i'm a chai tea person, myself

hey yall! Today was a great day despite the fact it was rainy and cold this morning for two reasons. One was the fact that I didn't have to work tonight, and second was because i had gotten amazing sleep the night before. Today I had Econ, Broadcasting, Chemistry, and Band. Not too difficult, but slightly boring. In Econ Mr. Foutz let us chain links together to see the difference in Total Product and Marginal Product. I really didn't anything educational out of it except the fact that chaining two links together at one time is faster than just one. In broadcasting I almost flipped. I am not a bitch, I am just effiecient. When you say you are going to do something and dont do because you didn't feel like it, I dont tolerate it. I dont like to clean up people's messes who could have done it themselves or were bitchy about it. I may only have one years experience in broadcasting but it one more year than everyone else, so I think they should just simmer and listen. Its called constructive criticism, i dont like to get it but i will give it away. So, maybe i am a bitch, but at least the shit got done. What now gothic girl!

I was extremely happy at lunch today, besides that half the day was over already, but because they had my favorite soup in the world today! Potato al gratin. Or potato & cheese soup. YUM! A big bowl filled me up right and good. With my full stomach full of yummy goodness i gathered enough strength to go across the cafeteria to a strange table. The table was run by a freshman i know only from band, and to tell you the truth scares me due to a apparent chemical imbalance. I asked her what it was for, and sure enough...it was for POWDER PUFF FOOTBALL 2003! Apparently the freshman class is hosting a Powder Puff Football tournament at memorial for their class fundraiser. It was shocking to that they were just now allowing this kind of game to occur. If no one remebers the chicago area school powder puff football game on the tele last spring then you need to be reminded. I would love to do it, you know run and tackle and get dirty, but i dont know if i want to sign the waiver that comes along with it. It states that if any girl gets invovled in any illegal conduct that the school and or parents will have no jurisidiction over the matter, and parties involved will be handed over to the elkhart police department...hmm, makes you feel good inside. I have seen these girls who are signing up, they are buff. We'll see if i get brave and do it or chicken out like a sissy. I dont know.

Chemistry was nice today. A short period long lab. A nice breath of fresh air. All the hype with the molarity and what not was giving me unneccesary problems. I like labs, they are great. I just dont like homework.

I also had a busy band day. Today was the last rehearsal before our Band Festival tonight so everything was rushed. I also had a lesson with knome lady today. Its ok tho, i was prepared. I did very well today, and i was proud. I hit double A below the staff, and transitioned between 3# to 3flats beautifully. I am not good yet, but I think i finally reached the high school level...lol.

After school today i went to the Daily Grind with Lonnie and Mike. It was good to just to hang with Lon again. We haven't been too close lately, we both have others things to do. I really do like the grind though..its atmosphere makes you feel at home and very comfortable. Its a happy place i guess. I would like to just hang there more often. I will see what my schedule will allow me to do.

Thats it for now....my bed time has come and gone. The events were cut short, but its okay. I think you will overcome it. I am out! Mwah! to you all!

Song of the day:
Fill in the blank!
(free space, make your own bingo!)

the poltergeist and me; a never-ending tale

Not too much to report today. Well actually I do, but I spent about 45 minutes of my time writing about it and my freaking poltergeist, whom I like to call "Bitch", decided he wanted to play. So there will be no long blog tonight. There will be no funny jokes that shannon made up, and she thought were really funny(even though they weren't but she worked real hard). None of it. Its gone, and its not coming back tonight. Bitch is being a bitch and wont leave me alone. AND no, i dont have multiple personalities but i do have bi-polar disease, yeah, fraid' so. Its a weakness but, the lil bitch is gunna pay. I hate him. Sorry if this extremely short entry made anyone upset, trust me, i am. But the content wasn't that great anyway, so I guess the bitch was doing you a favor. Ah Well. All is well! Hope you are too! Shout me a holla! Mwah!

Soundtrack of the day:
Schindler's List; Music from the Motion Picture
(I get tears in my eyes everytime i pop it in, its pain and sadness comes through with solid imagery. A definate must for any collection! If not for me, do it for the one armed man, we just wanted to work.)

it spread like wildfire

The word of the day: ****!
Yeah thats right, **** was the word of the day. Not by choice, oh no, but by popularity. If you dont know what the stars spell out, you dont need to know. If you do, i suggest you dont repeat it. LIke i said, It won by default not by choice. It seems every smart ass lil boy at my school likes to use the word. Sometimes just randomly it shows up...POOF! I can't believe my ears. I think i am going to start a nationwide campaign (starting with the lunch table) to abolish the use of the word; ****. It's the only way people can be educated on its destructive nature and harmful side effects. Please, for the love all things funny and insulting, do not use the dirty word anymore. Its hurting the youth of tomorrow and we would like to keep it clean. The **** is not helpful, nor sophisticated. This is not a demand, but request from the Women Against Negative Grammar or most commonly known as WANG. WANG is a non-profit organization that survives by the support of you, the Teen Working Union of Tomorrow, a.k.a. TWAT. Without TWAT's support the campaign against **** could not be possible. Thank- You.

With that off my chest, I think i can tell you about my day. Nothing too big, the same really. An occasional joke or spurt of insanity, like i said, nothing out of the ordinary. I have good news tho.......no, i didn't save a bunch of money by switching to Geico, but I did find out my first grading period grades! I might actually hold down a solid 3.5 this semester if i keep it up. What i was really happy to see was my Chem grade.....I have a 83 percent....a B! Sleeping through Molarity and everything, I am still victorious! ( for me this is great, because science is not a strong point for me) Made my afternoon. I also have a B in Econ, which could be better, but it could be worse. So, i will just keep at it, and bring it up! But compared to my schedule this year and last year and my grades, i would say that i made a complete 180...okay maybe a 120 degree turn, but hey....its better than nothing...lol. Too bad my transcripts dont show this years courses/grades. I guess its a little too late to try and save myself.
That brings me to the lesson of the day....
Don't catch senioritis until the second semester of your senior year, otherwise serious side-effects may occur and you may never recover. Take the neccesary precautions to avoid this disease and aquire it at the proper time.

A lil bit of the bad news comes from K-mart.....Da Da Dum! The the past three day weekend that i took off work for bloomtown was well worth the comsequences i have already begun to endure. I will work every night this week excluding saturday, because of a band obligation. They hate it when i take off days, but i can say i would do it again. I had a great time down in Bloomtown. The campus is beautiful(despite the rain), the atmosphere is great, and the people are wonderful. I didn't want to leave. A misconception from the past day or so has been that i didn't like it, its not true. Being down there made me think about how i would be a year from now and if i could be as happy there then as i was at that very moment. It was something i couldn't put my finger on, but needed to let out at that moment. Despite any bad things that may have happened, the trip was extremely beneficial and i can't wait to visit again....if i can do that next semester...we will see.

I guess thats it for now. I try my best, and thats all I can do. I love you all, have a great night/day!

Song of the Day:
The Circle of Life by: Elton John
(heck, why not....i want to be a lion king! or queen...lol)

when sleepy eyes break open...

I'm probably not ready for college in a sense. I think responsibility wise I am, but socially...i dont think so. I am in Bloomington and I am being anti-social in my friend's dorm room, while they are all hanging out upstairs with other people. Why do I do this? I dont know, I think its because being down here gives me alot to think about. Seeing the college life from an actual student prespective...its different. Its different than what I thought it would be. Not bad different, just different. I dont know how to take it for sure. I sound silly, but i feel silly. I dont why i do this to myself. I should be enjoying every minute of this new experience, and i am. BUt i dont know how to take it. I dont know why i still feel like i will never belong. Its like a looming cloud...a rain on my parade. I have had a blast! I have meant new people who are really cool, seen college through the eyes of a regular student, and have hung out like one of the group...so whats the deal with me? hmmm...i dont know. Maybe its the feeling of not-knowing what will develop in the future. Possibly feeling like i am not cut out for school or finding out that i might not enjoy it for all its worth. who knows? I dont really like to think about it too deep, but sitting here...in this chair, I can't help but do that. I just can't. I am going to go up there(the room upstairs) and love every minute of it, but I know that tomorrow, my fun and new adventure will come to an end. I think that is what upsets me the most. Knowing I have just now begun to adapt to being around all the old gang again and feeling completely at home. I will miss that. I miss just having them around, like they have today. It just stings. I am emotionally attached to all these people, and i dont want to leave them again. I love them all. I wish i had one more day to do and say everything i want to...but i dont. It bothers me, but its something i am going to have to learn to deal with. Something i am going to have to develop and adopt during the rest of my senior year in high school. Here i am a nothing, a senior in high school, in e-town its the same thing. So where is the happy medium? I guess thats something you find out during your transition. It will come soon enough...i guess its best not to rush these things. It's 1am, and i still have so much i want to do in the next 12 hours before i go home. Its a long ride back home, gives me plenty of time t be insightful. til next time.

Girl! I got the attitude!

You know! Well kids, I did it! I finally won a band award! A lot of my friends have already won awards in previous years, sometimes more than one, but me, i have always just lurked in the shadows. Not this year, this year is different. I may only be a uniform captain, but its a position that makes me feel important. Without me, the uniforms would be wrinkled, dirty, and/or it poor condition. I dont let that happen, I make sure these things never happen...I think that is an important position. I love band, socially that is, and I feel like i have given so much in the last four years that i just wanted a lil recognition. Something, you know, for the effort. I finally got it! I wanted this year's mental attitude award so bad, so bad I could feel it in my heart that it truly was mine. The whole fiasco for me started on monday when the band nominated and voted for whom they wanted to win which awards. This was my last chance to make something of my dedication, the last chance for me to take a stand and say, "hey, i was important in the band". I showed the band kids how i impacted the band and how mental attitude award was the right one for me. I let it go, but today....DL said that all the awards were close and some people who were highly voted for were shafted of the title. This cut me deep, i felt it was me. NO! I didn't get shafted! I won! To me, it wasn't the winning that made me the happiest, it was sharing it with all my senior band friends. I realized tonight, that band is officially over and I only have so much time left with them. I will take memories like tonight's and hold them forever close to my heart.

I love it! I love it all, when everything goes your way! Oh, its great! LIke tomorrow is the last day of our first grading period. Can you believe that!?! I can't! This is crazy. I only have three more to go, and i am done! Bring it on! I am ready! Wow! I am also really excited for the weekend. It should be really great. I dont really know what to expect, will it be non-stop fun? or unintentional boredem. I dont think it will be boring, but I dont know what to think or how to act exactly. I am going into a new environment, with somewhat new people. I know how i will act with my friends, that will never change but will it be different because of the re-location of what i am formerly aqauinted with or will be like old times. I am not expecting either one, i am not expecting it to be bad different or good old. I looking for a new niche all together. Something that is unlike the bad unfamiliar and the good unobtainable past. I think that is a realistic way to look at it. I dont know, in the end i think i will be taking that long highway north on sunday with a smile on my face and a great set of memories in my pocket.

Tomorrow should be nice. I dont have any obligations in any of my classes so its easy breezey for me. That is something to look forward to.

Well i am out of the info for now, but i have a feeling that much more is in store in the next couple of days. Stay Tuned!

Quote of the day:
"Take it to Ludacris speed!...Ludacris Speed Go!"
Rick Moranis in Spaceballs

Song of the day:
Dancing Queen by: ABBA/A-Teens
(why?...cuz its good! and secondly both groups are great!)

daddy's girl

Nothing much to report today. It was the same old, same old. The lil comments that catch you off gaurd are the best. My dad made me smile, it was nice. Me and my dad haven't had the best relationship throughout my life, distance has become our biggest challenge. I am always afraid that i will disapoint him and make the distance bigger. I make due, i love him, he is my father of course, but i dont really feel the trust as i do with my mother. Maybe because my parents split at a vital time in my life, right before my adolescence. I dont know, all i know is that i always wanted to be daddy's girl. It's not really a possibility as I get older, i just care a lil less each year. My dad said something to me tonight tho, it meant alot without it meaning anything. I think he quoted it from a song, but it touched me. "your future is so bright, i am gunna need sunglasses to love you." There was something about the comment at that point in time that made me feel calm. I felt as if i had made him so proud, without doing anything. I had tried for so many years to be the athlete he always wanted me to be and i was never successful. . . i felt like i owed him something. I felt i needed to be more sport conscious, and put him first. I just recently had decided to give that up, to please me above all else(but not hurting others in the process). I just stopped worrying if he was okay, and realized that maybe he should do that with me. Worry about whether i am okay or not. Communication has never been clear, or frequent with us. I can communicate so well with the rest of my family, friends, and other people...why can't i do that with my father? I dont know, i probably never will. Its okay tho....he is proud of me. Even tho the comment was made indirectly, I could tell by the sincere tone in his voice, that he really meant it.

Thanks Dad, I may never be your lil girl, but I will always be your daughter, and thats the best thing i can be for you.

To fit with the topic today, I will now proceed to my song of the day:
Daughters by: John Mayer

Question of the day:
If you could be any type of song, what would it be and why?
drop me a line on my guestbook or im/email me

Til next time...
remember to always keep a tune in your head, you never know when it may come in handy....

what else could i want...

An all around good weekend is never a bad thing. I had one of those weekends that fulfills you mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I had a much needed get-away and reunion all in the same weekend. Not many can say that, I dont think....I felt so forunate and blessed to be able to have what I have.

Things seemed to be unstable lately in my world; kind of like the a teeter-totter. Things go up, and so does the happiness, things go down, along with my self-esteem...to tell you the truth...it was quite nausiating. Feelings of old and new, coming in and out of focus. Sometimes it just seemed so unneccessary, to feel so unbalanced. And it is, its ridiculous, but its the way things are for me, and for some. I feel that my things go up and they go down for a reason. I am so grateful to have that variation because some people in this world dont get a choice. They are in the bad, and the worse...something i could never comprehend, and i thank god every day that i dont. I like the teeter-totter, i think its better than a slide...i would rather have two choices of direction, rather than one choice of downward movement.

Things shifted upward this weekend, in fact, they shifted at a 90 degree angle and 400+ feet in the air, an accomplishment? i'd say so. I went to Cedar Point on saturday with Danielle, Callie, and Lindsay. Danielle drove and we left around 7 am. A lil on the early side for me, but hey...it happens. I was slightly bummed about going in the first place, because the night before Amber and Anthony surprised us by coming to our senior night! It was a great surprise, but I kind of knew all along...thanks felipe! hehhe...more on that later. Me and Lindsay called back seat to Danielle's Expresso(her purple neon....i love that they call it an expresso, anyways..) it was nice to just sit there with her, with nothing in particular to say, but saying everything you have wanted to say in weeks, you know? Just common stuff: prom themes, dirty jokes, yearbook, homework/classes, people....things that you take for granted when you talk to your friends, you know? I think its was the best time I had in a long time. For the time period me and her shared the back seat i felt so completely happy, I wasn't sad, or mad, or letting myself be miserable. I was loving life, because my friends with me and loving it along my side. its something i have missed, and lost track of the past few months. I dont know why it went away, but its back....and I dont want to lose it again. I dont want to lose that sense of belonging and feeling of friendship. I wont let it happen, so things can only turn north at this point.

Code Word: Bloomberg
Classification: Top Secret
Objective: To Surprise
The bloom-town folk came up for the weekend just in time for the big senior night festivities. It was a great surprise for those not expecting it, I on the other hand, had a feeling. Like someone was watching us, but didn't want to be seen. Besides, Ant's dad, we couldn't think of anyone watching us from afar. What was the feeling i had you ask? Well, about two weeks ago, i asked Felipe when he was coming up to visit and he replied, quot&I think I am coming up the same weekend as anthony". Well, i was not aware of such a visit, hm....interesting. Well, felipe covered it up, and of course anthony denied the allegations, so i disregarded it.....for a while. Then i read in the catalino blog about him not having time to do homework this certain weekend, but no reason behind it...hm, again i say, interesting. Then at the game itself, a few not so desireable aqauintances informed me of a mysterious duo sweeping the crowd, again i say, interesting. Soon enough, i go to the bathroom to wash the gross drumline scuz off my hands, when i see a strange but familiar face. Its Amber! I caught you! busted, i knew, the whole time. BUt you know what, it still was the best surprise! I soon ran into the antman, and felt so happy! A night already so great, turned into the best. Best feeling in weeks. Awesome guys, you pulled off a great surprise, next time just dont let the mexican in on the game....lol just kidding!

The feeling was soon transformed into nervousness. I dont know why, maybe because I had so many things to say, but couldn't remember any of them. Or I had been imagining how i would act for weeks, but could no longer visualize it. Maybe it was the feeling of vulnerability taking me over due to the people at hand. the people i had looked up to for so much advice and guidance, and i wanted more it, but couldn't bring myself to ask it. Or maybe, it was the feeling of rejection that i was so easily around my shoulder, along with the feeling of love. I dont know. I can't even describe it. A single word meant so much, both good and bad. Old habits kicked in and old rivalrys soon surfaced. It was as if nothing had changed around us, but everything had been scrambled inside. I wanted more and more time, but at the same time I wanted to hide in my room with my purple walls, and lights, and my stereo and just think. Things got jumbled in my head. I feel i did all i could, and i dont regret any of it. I was me, through and through...and that is all that matters. I was true to myself. I am proud of me. Something i haven't been able to say, in quite a long time.

To all of you who inspire me, and enlighten me... I thank you. Especially the boy from down south, who gives me alot of encouragement without having to say anything, and to the girl on the go, always working to keep the wheel turning..she gives me the hard truth and makes me apply to my life, it makes me stonger and more realistic. Thank you to the sister i never knew i had, you are my source of hope, you give me so much to be happy for, and i want to thank you for taking me from a place i could not escape on my own, you are the best friend i will ever have. God Bless to all of my influences.

I know this was deep, and somewhat sappy. This is me. It may not be good reading material, but it is the feelings I feel. Something pages in a book can't give you.

Song of the Day:
Electric Youth by: Debbie Gibson
heck, why not?...she rocks! go debbie!

prom theme of the day;
Let's Just Dance! - 2004
hehehe
winter dance theme of the day:
A Very Carrie Holidae!
hahaha, do i even need to explain?

senior night! woo woo!

Just a quick entry today, nothing special. Got things to do! Like have my marching band senior night! Oh yeah! Wish ya'll could come out and see the festvities! Had a great day in school, i got a perfect math test, a perfect law presentation, and a not-to-shabby english paper. Talked music with lonnie and collin in the parking lot after school and have so much more to look forward to tonight! It will be great. I go to Cedar Point tomorrow with Lindsay, Danielle, and Callie....Lindsay will be my back seat buddy...lol. It should be fun! I hope everyone had as great of day as I had! Chao for now!

Question of the day:
If you had to choose between being deaf and blind, which one would you choose and why?
Sign the guestbook to participate!

Song of the Day:
Trouble by: Coldplay
why?, cuz it kicks ass!

you can't hold me down...

Oh no! I got to keep on moving! Yeah, right....your telling me if someone much bigger than you and had a much bigger posse that you would still talk crap?.....thats right! I aint taking this hallway congretation anymore, especially from big black girls, with a big black girl(and that one scrawny white girl)posse. I am the loud mouth who is gunna start trouble, but everytime i yell at them they just laugh, i think its because they know they can whip my ass. Well, i think if i am heated enough i could take one of em"....proly the scrawny white girl. It would be her probably because it would be like her rite of passage into the big black girl click. She needs to take a white girl to be initiated, well, bring it bitch! lol, hahahhaa....i am surprisingly not afraid of you! I am a strong, confident woman....and when my hallway space is being invaded by a bunch of disrespectful, pushy group of anyone(not just big black girls) i am going to get verbal. Lets just be courtesious from now on tho....lets just leave the hallway for walking, not for stopping! Ah, well! hehehe, I know, i get a lil heated on certain subjects, but hey, i can't take it anymore. I am usually pretty level headed, but i can no longer stand silent when the freedom of the hallway is being taken away by a bunch of selfish underclassmen. Its not right, and i will not let it happen any longer, even if i risk a run in with a bunch of rough gangsta girls, cuz lets be honest, there are quite a few at the EMHS. I will continue to update my concerned readers with further updates on my health and well-being of myself and the white girl i will evetnually have a tussle with.....LoL.

Today was a good day, the sun came out. So that makes anything good. I had a french horn lesson today and nailed one of my hardest sections in my eventual solo for contest in about three months. I want to get better, but i am afraid that i started caring about how i play too late in the game to truly improve and do anything with what i have. I will just try to continue to enjoy what i get this year, and let it be done. I could never play in college, i dont have that kind of dedication. I wish i had that kind of talent and dedication to do it, music is awesome. I will just be an audience member after highschool and no longer be a performer, its weird to think about. I will always love the times i had in band and listening to my other choir/orchestra friends, and i will always have that love. This seems like a good year to end it on. I have a great scene in band along with a great section leader who never makes me feel under him, but still lets me have fun with the instrument i have unsuccessfully mastered over the past 8 years....lol. I just realized with my marching band senior night coming up that i am not sad for what is to come, but welcome it with open arms. Its good to go out on top, i feel i am almost there...

Lots of things to say, but not enough energy to say em'...thats okay though. I will save my thoughts for another rainy day, which this time of year will be sooner rather than later. I hope all of you are keeping your heart close to your sleeve and your thoughts on the tip of your tongue...you'll never know when you will want to use them, have em' handy....just in case.

Song of the Day:
Send your Love by: Sting

Your gunna mess up, BIG TIME!

ah man. I think its just one of those days again, where you have nothing to be sad for, but have everything to bitch about. I tell ya, i guess these days are coming more often than not, lately. Its alright tho, there is always something that will perk me up, I don't know about the rest of you. For me the things that can make anything with weight feel lighter are the little satisfactions. Such as: Getting the last strawberry yogurt in the fridge; when all there was left was lemon parfait...yuck. Or finding the "oh! spot" on the couch and cuddling with the soft blanket, when your brother has to sit on the floor. The phone call from a friend you haven't talked to in weeks, and they were thinking the same things as you. Even the over-played song on the radio or TV, that you just needed to hear again at that very moment of feeling not yourself. Those things, along with many, mean the most to me. I could name a billion of em', no a trillion of em' and they always come thru. The rough times aren't so bad, they let us learn and grow. I like that. The learning feeling, it gives me the lil satisfaction that can get me through any rough time. I am not going through a rough time or anything, its just that...sometimes when things are as crazy as they seem to be right now, i get frustrated and sick....but i think now, i am a big girl, and i wont cry.

I just keep going back to my friends of 03' and the saying they would quote on a regular basis, besides the tenacious D drive thru segment, and that was, "your gunna mess up, Big time!" I think they are just trying to convey the fact that if you mess up, dont beat yourself up about it, it just means it was supposed to happen. Live and Learn. Now to those folks it may be just a brilliant chemistry teacher's laughing words that gave a chuckle here or there, but i think it means more. I dont think something that small should be ignored. The smallest things in life are usually the ones that mean the most to people.

On a lighter note(trust me its nothing to deep; i can never go to deep, otherwise i would explode from hearing myself talk, not the way i would like to go out, i would rather go out while exploding to the words of my friends....lol) I went rumaging through my closets in the house to find a long lost formal dress. This dress was my first formal dress that i ever bought or wore for that matter so it is near and dear the little girl heart that is still very much alive. and HORRAY! i found it! my frosh winter dance dress, there it was plain and black and.....oh so four years ago. None the less, i tried it on(just for the effort that went in to finding it) and sure enough it still fit. It made me feel good, not that i had a perfect body or anything back then or now, but the fact that i am just the same, is good for me. It made me happy. I think i may break it out again this winter for my senior winter dance, i think its been out of cirruclation long enough and i really dont think i want to buy a new one...lol. Who knows i might not even go, but i would like to have the option. I think IT may be the option. We will see what the day may bring.....

It rained and rained all day today. yuck! i dont like the rain in fall, its cold and depressing. I like summer rain, its cheery and refreshing, but not fall rain. It is like that Guns N' Roses song, November Rain, that is a sad song. Its not november, but soon enough it will be. I love the fall, my favorite season, but not the fall rain. Should this change my conclusion of it being my favorite season? hm, thats a good question.....which brings me to....

THE QUESTION OF THE DAY!
What is your favorite season? and why?

Let the your voice be heard on my guestbook or to my face! I love participation!

Thats it for now, stay tuned...as always.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"Remember to keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the stars!" - Casey Kasem

If only I could time travel....

If only I could time travel, I would do so many things. First, I would go to the mid-1800's to the new england area. To find a man by the name of Edgar Allan Poe, that poor man. All he needed was a hug or two. That would be my first mission, to find him and give a hug. Maybe in the end he wouldn't have died from supposed alcohol poisioning. What a waste.....Edgar I HEART YOU!

Secondly, I would go back about ten years ago, before Wal-Mart became a power house in discount retail, and tell K-Mart to clean up there act. If they had just stopped being so damn cocky about being the best, my beloved hell wouldn't be suffering. REMEMBER: you can't find individual service anywhere else as good as K-mart, home of the Big Blue light. Amen!

Lastly, I would have gone back six months ago, when I went crawling back to K-mart. What was I thinking?!? No one wants to work in a blue light hell hole that is going straight down the tube. The Mart has me, and its never letting go...never! oh god! When will the beast finally die?!

I guess its a good thing that I can't time travel. I bet I would mess things up real bad. Instead of writing about death, Poe could have written about love. Making him another mindless poet drone that would never have been given his well-deserved credit. Instead of only a few K-marts still open, there may have been no K-marts at all. Also, I could have been dirt poor with no wheels if it wasn't for me getting re-hired to the Mart. So, I guess thats why time travel has not been mastered, and people like me should not use it.

I know, this is a pretty random entry, but this has been on my mind for the last day or so. The question of what i would do if i could time travel.


What would you do if you could time travel?
Let me know! Email me or im me or whateva!

Okay, I am done for now....I gotta keep some stuff for later. If you want the full story, visit www.askshannon.com (which means, get your ass of the internet and ask me yo' self fool!)
I am just messing!

Okay, the song of the day:
Volcano by: Damien Rice
I picked this song today, cuz i was really excited to see it on Vh1 this morning, it really made my day! so there ya go!

Motto of the Day:
K-Mart: Right here, Right now.

Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach, teach gym

The school of rock, rocks hard! That is such a funny movie, perfect role for Jack Black. His timing is awesome and he rocks! Even though it looks rather cliche, it is well worth the money, because of the serious rocking. I saw tonight with Erin, and had a blast. You should at least check it out at the dollar theatre when it comes around. Needs to be in the theatre to get the best effect. I dont know....go for yourself. you'll see what i am talking about! Kick Ass!

I also went to Ball State today for my college visitation. it was @ 10 and we got there @ 10:05. They were a little anal about that, which i dont know why?...i mean, they want me to come to there school and they are getting mad at me, they should be accomodating me, and kiss my ass....anyways, i guess it was my fault for taking the long way to get there(got a lil side-tracked..lol). It was an okay admissions presentation, nothing i couldn't have read in the book they hand out in the mail, but the girl was a perky sorority girl, so i guess it made it okay...(ugh..lol). The tour was nice, but i am not going to go that school if it smells like that all year long, there was something in the air, i hope it was a temporary thing. The telecommunications building tho is to die for! Oh my, now i remember why i wanted to apply to Ball State. They have a very beautiful campus and representation, but i had no personal warmth. The Atmosphere felt stale, and that is gunna weigh heavily in my decision....ah well. I got a while, don't i? Plus, who knows, i might not even get in!..lol we'll see!

Collin is playing a korean in an online checkers game, I think that is awesome. the best of men go against the the smallest of men in the games of skill. Collin, you are the man, dont you let that korean take you down. Its 6 in the morning there, he aint on top of his game. You got the edge keep it going!

I am tired of blogging right now, but I'm not gunna leave ya hanging....the song of the day is coming!

The song of the Day:
There is no song of the day! They are all great, I can't even pick one!

But i can tell you my quote of the day:
"why dont you go on a diet or something?"
"because i love to eat, there a problem with that?"

I was colorblind, but now i see it....

The moments build up, dont they? The ones where you feel threatened, the ones where you feel safe, the ones where everything seems wrong, and the ones where its sometimes too good to be true. You deal, you try to make sense, but sometimes, your mind clouds up with doubt. I was hurt by words today, words of the simple kind. A misinterpretation for the most part i'm sure, but what if....
...what if it is the worse like i imagine. If it were, it would bring my self-esteem to an all time low, if it wasn't the worse, then life will go on, and i will disregard it for me being silly. What if....
..sometimes i wish i didn't do things like that to me. I want answers, but its not really worth what i am risking to get them. The question soon becomes, do i ask or dont i ask. More than likely i will ask, i need to know, i dont. I want to know...plain and simple, me wanting to know causes drama, but thats a risk I want to take. I just put selfish in a whole new category because of that. These words really brought me down, the explaination for them i gave myself mostly but i found clarity in it all. I am not mad, just curious.....should i risk one of my nine lives, or play it safe? Only i will know...

...The clarity came with driving. I love to do it, it soothes me to a point that no other relaxation method could. Driving home this afternoon with my windows down, the crisp fall air flowing all around, and my anthem playing thru my speakers...i felt so calm. So at peace. I noticed for the first time today, the trees and all their explosive colors. So many colors, and they were so beautiful. Sometimes in northern indiana the fall season is kind of overlooked. It can go from summer to winter in a few weeks time, not letting people enjoy the wonderful season of fall. I love fall, its my favorite season. It is so beautiful. You may not see what I see, but I more families outside, together, just enjoying what they were given by nature. I can't explain it, I dont want to try. The music in my ear, the air, and the amazing colors......i feel like i was colorblind, but i can see. For the first time, i took advantage of what was given to me, and nothing bad came from it. Its a really secure feeling, something I haven't felt in a long time.

The road ahead of me is dark, and hard to make out which way it breaks, but that doesn't bother me. All I need is some company and as soon as the darkness fades, and the light shines thru so I can see the road clearly, I will be ready to go it alone. I am not old, my life is not nearly complete, but my life has meaning. My age does not account for how I feel about myself or others. My age is a number so I can remember how long I have been on this earth. One can be wise beyond or below their years...I choose to be whatever it is i am. There is no way to determine it before my life continues, I can only look back and hope that I did everything right. A friend touched on the importance of nostaglia, and they are right. You can't hold yourself back from the future, but you can't disregard the past. Both the future and the past are important, one without the other would cause you life to lose meaning. That's how I feel anyway. Nostalgia is what makes us, who we are in a way. I dont want to forget about it, I want to understand it.

Life shouldn't be easy at any age, otherwise what are we living for. It's not an obligation, its an adventure. I just hope my friends and I are on the same page...if not now, they will someday, I have faith in everyone. There is nothing but love in my heart, no hate. Confusion is present all the time, but when you find the clarity you need, things just feel right. Its a great feeling!

If it weren't for my closest friends, I would not know about Coldplay. They are one of my favorite bands. One of their songs has become my anthem. I love this song, and no matter what mood I may be in, I feel so full of love and hope. Its a great song...

...My special song of the day:
Everything's Not Lost By:Coldplay

If you ever feel neglected,

If you ever think all is lost,

I'll be counting up my demons, yeah,

Hoping everything's not lost,

Everything's not lost,

When I'm counting up my demons.



There's always one for everyday,

With the good ones on my shoulder,

I drove the other ones away.



If you ever feel neglected,

If you think all is lost,

I'll be counting up my demons, yeah,

Hoping everything's not lost.



When you thought it was over,

You could feel it all around,

Everybody's out to get you,

Don't you let it drag you down.



Cos if you eve feel neglected,

If you think that all is lost,

I'll be counting all the demons, yeah.



Singing out o yeah (x3)

Everything's not lost,

Come on yeah, o yeah, come on yeah,

Everything's not lost,

O yeah, (x3)

Everything's not lost,

Come on yeah, o yeah,

Come on yeah (x2)

O yeah, Come on yeah,

Everything's not lost, Sing out yeah,

Come on yeah (x2)

Everything's not lost,

Come on yeah, o yeah,

Sing out yeah,

Everything's not lost.

save the 'dirty' words for later....

Lately I have realized that I have surrounded my self with a majority of male friends, and maybe its always been this way, but I have just recentlydiscovered how vulger they really are. All boys....yuck. I don't want to hear the 'dirty' words, I am not that kinda girl....lol. Sure I can swop a dirty phrase here and there....but come on guys. Wait til the lady is gone before you start going into detailed grossness. Collin and me have established the dirtiest word of them all.....so dirty in fact that i shiver at the sound of it. I will not disclose it with you here, but if you are desperate to know, ask him...not me. I dont mind being friends with guys, they are less complicated then girls, and I dont need drama in my life persay. I have enough, I dont need to add to it, by sleeping over and gossiping about other girls and boys with girls who are all about the shoes. It just aint my thang. I am a no make-up, t-shirt wearing, no jewelry buying, shops for clearance deals, jean lovin girl. If someone doesn't like that about me, thats too bad, because I think I am great the way I am. I look at the people I have tried to be friends with for so long, and just realize, I have so much already in front of me, why would I trade that in for a new look and some recognition? I'd be crazy.

Today was another beautiful day, and yet again, today was also an even worse day for the lady bugs! AH! they are everywhere, so many and so big, that you can see their shadows and the hundreds on the sides of the building. I dont know about you, but i have never seen anything like this before. One bit me today, the lil bitch! i couldn't believe it, i was runnin around liek the pigeon movie by alfred hitchcock. I didn't want them in my hair or face. I couldn't take it, so i high tailed it out of their, back to my house where i could seek shelter. It was ridiculous.

I have nothing more to say that I want to share with everyone on my blog, so if you want to talk to me about anything i haven't touched up on(which is very big area) feel free to email or im. I am always here for YOU!

song of the day:
I'm Just a Girl By: No Doubt

*********************************************

Today I wasn't completely out of it or anything, I was just having a blah day. You know, the day where nothing particularly bad happened but you can't seem to shake whatever it is that is bothering you. I hate that feeling of no control. I hate feeling like, I can't just express myself to the people I love freely and just get whatever may be bothering me off my chest. I have to learn to lean a lil' bit when things get rough, not completely lean, but enough that I dont go at everything alone. Doing things all the time on your own is not always a good thing. I dont think we should all just relie on ourselves for the comfort and support we need, it just wouldn't be healthy. So why am I not taking my own advice? That's a good question, I dont know. I dont know why I want people to confinde in me and not do the same for them. I want to. I need to, but I dont know how to. I feel like I am getting something wrong here, and no one is sending me the memo on how to fix it. I need a tutorial, one with pretty pictures and music. I can do that, I can learn at my own pace and not feel like I am not doing things right. It's a tennis match in my head. The ball goes back and forth, back and forth, each time with more and more strength and skill and then finally the ball goes out. On which side? I need to decide. I need to be me to the best of my ability, and I find that I dont really know who I am. I dont know, am I the loud girl that no one likes? Am I the loud girl that everyone likes? Am I the one that people like to talk to, but dont like to be friends with? or the one that people want to be around but not as much as I want to be around them? I can't answer those questions, I want to, but I am going to have to find out what I want to be. What do I want from the life I lead? will I use the time that is so steadily ticking away wisely or will I waste it with a bunch of "I wish this" or "I want that" or "that's not good enough"......If only I had a constant in my life, besides GOD, I feel like things could be handed or stripped away from me as fast as a blink of an eye. I don't like feeling like that. It is almost like living in fear, that the ones and things you love and adore will be taken from you the minute you do something wrong. I dont want to mess up, and I dont want to live in fear. I want to figure ME out so these things dont happen. I is the number one would tonight, and its selfish. I don't like to think about ME all the time, quite frankly, there are more important things in life. So, when I start thinking about ME, I get nervous, because that means my focus isn't where it should be.
Growing up isn't easy, and as much as this generation has it easy, it is that much more tough. Its rough now-a-days, with all the pressures and dangerous oppurtunities out there for people my age, its easy to say yes and its so hard to say no. So in a world where the easy things are handed to us, the choices we make reflect what we are given. I chose to be responsible, and that is harder sometimes than being deliquent. It really is, and I am proud of me...but I can do better with the choices I make. We all could. If you can look at yourself in the mirror and be happy with what you see, then you have done everything in your power to be the right person, the better person, the stronger person.
Also being my age and having had a broken heart is brutal. I know this is getting personal, but this is from my soul and nobody but GOD can take that away from me. Knowing that life will go on, and that we are so young makes it that much worse. Feeling like you were a major part of someone else is a big part of your life, and having that taken away is like having a piece of you be missing. How can someone keep living life like before when the other person has taken a piece of your being with them? You can't go on as normal, you adapt. I dont like the saying, "its okay, things will go back to normal"...define normal. I live: yes, to the best of my ability:absolutely, but i can't be the same person i was before i felt those feelings, i just can't. I have been trying to fool myself into thinking i can, thats not fair. I can be me, as I am right now, missing piece and all, and still be a happy person. With every piece that has been missing in my life, a filler of understanding and knowledge has filled it. They are not a perfect fit, but they patch the hole that prevents a person from moving on. A broken heart is not just love of the obvious kind but it can come from a dissapointment in life or a feeling of rejection. I have had one a total of two my whole life, and I have grown and learned from all those heartbreaks. They take away apart of you, but you regenerate something else, something new and exciting. People just have to realize thats how change comes about. We learn from the hard things and try to move on with the new. I am a new person, but that doesn't mean i dont hurt and i dont feel, it just means that I dont feel sorry for myself. That's the first step to any recovery, I hope everyone remembers that things dont heal overnight or with a new love, but they heal with growing and learning. I love being single and not feeling worry while they are away, but i miss being with someone and feeling worried while they are away.....that's something you take and use in recovery. I will be okay, my gaps just need a lil more time to come together. I may be slower than most, but at least i'm moving...in the end the turtle beat the hare.
I had no direction to my thoughts, but I have never vented about how I really feel because I dont want to upset others. I went with what I wanted tonight, and I dont usually do that, so I am not a selfish person, but I think a lil ME time never hurt anybody.

Trust me, any phrase can end with "arghhh!"

Hey alll you pirate fans out there! Argh! Its the fade, pirates are the new style this fall season. I suggest everyone hop aboard the "booty" ship before you get left walking the plank...
..okay okay, maybe pirates are coming back, but who says you cant say "argh!" after everything. I encourage everyone to just try it once, just one time in any conversation during the day. It may put a smile on a sad face, or a frown on a happy face: discretion is advised while using the powerful "argh!". The reason i love pirates is because my good friend, Josondra, is the goal keep for the soccer team, and i always call her a dirty pirate, because she dont take nothing from no one and she has her eyes on the "booty" (thats prize for all you sickos out there...geeze, get your head out of the gutter). The lady chargers had senior night tonight against northridge and had a draw, which is good for this team, trust me. Anywho, Jo, was beastly....she is the head pirate......"Argh!"

I learned a lesson today, you wanna know what it is?.....dont judge a man by the color of his skin, but on what kinda rims is he rollin' on. You aint a playa til you get the spreewells on your rusted neon cruisin down charger blvd. Alright, you aint the shit until you get down with that, argh. Live and learn.....just live and learn.

I on the other hand, do not roll on anything besides my mismatched tires, which by the way are the only thing that haven't give me any problems on my car. I love my car, especially since now the i dont have a working driver side window, my de-froster smells like gas fumes(which is not good for the brain cells!), only one good speaker that doesn't crack, my cd player over heats sometimes and stratches my favorite cd's, it has been treated like a trash can(which i do take full responsibility for) and my matching dimple dents on the front fender. Its my pride and joy, and no matter how hard Ed Battjes tries to convince me, i will never sell that car for $150, you got up to $300 and we will talk.....lol

Today was also really nice! Absolutely perfect fall weather, you know?! 75 degrees and clear and sunny, a slight breeze...absolutely beautiful, oh except for the whole ladybug infestation of the world! They were coming from every direction, you would flick one off...and oh my god! there are two more on the other arm.....it was madness. They were on the ground, in the sky, on cars, and yes!..even on people! they were everywhere. I dont know about you, but i am not a fan of flying spotted bugs that stick to you....something, just gets me about that....call me crazy!

You know what i hear alot lately, that i dont really know why i am hearing it? (of course you wouldn't because thats why i am writing about it...lol) I hear alot of, yeah....you dated that senior last year, right? and i am like well, considering i am a "smut"(collin's new nickname for me" you'll have to narrow it down. The point of it all is, they know his name, they know who i dated, and yet they try to indirectly bring it up with me...for what reason you ask? i have no clue, it doesn't bother me so much because it wasn't a bad thing, but i just think its necessary to bring up something like that while i am at school talking to people or doing my work, its just not the time or place. Its really starting to bother me. Then, this is what kills me everytime, i explain that we dont date anymore and they give me the sad look and the "i'm sorry". why? i mean if you didn't know about it when it happened you obviously were not top on my list...you know?...so dont feel sorry for me, cuz i dont feel sorry for me. its like the comparing notes thing...people like to reitterate things just to see for themselves what the person will say. I know someone like that, and it drives me crazy....oh well. if thats how they get their kicks, maybe i should start having a lil bit of harmless shannon fun when they ask again....heheehe or maybe not....TO BE CONTINUED!

"go shorty, its your birthday. we're gunna party like its your birthday. we're gunna sip barcadi like its your birthday. but you know we dont give a fuck, its not your birthday..." man, you know when you get a song stuck in your head that you only know that one part to, so you just keep singing it over and over and over....man, i have been up in da' club for days! i am partied out. someone please help, i am so not ghetto, i am trapped in a world i do not belong in. bring me back to my people!....

..having said that, no surprise on my song of the day:
In da' Club by: Fifty Cent

I leave you with my quote of the day:
"From the sea to the starzzzzz...argh!"
Prom 03! what!

the halloween caper

I worked at K-Mart tongiht, surprise surprise, and of course everyone who was in before me today didn't do their job and decided to leave it the night shift people. Hey, we have feelings too. I am night shifter, and i have feelings...anywayz...

...i had to straighten the halloween section tonight and it took the whole 4 hours i worked...not my idea of a mood pleaser. I just dont understand it, i dont....those kids who come through while i was still vigourously working to clean just come in that aisle and stare you down. They want you to see what they are about to do, and they want you to be damn sure of it. As i am straightening the disorganized mask section, a boy no more than 8, comes around the corner. I see him. He sees me. And sure enough he waltzes right up to that newly clean and straight mask section and tries on every single mask and throws in on the ground. With no regard for the work i have put into those masks he begins to step on them as well. He looks right at me and laughs. that child was satan...he was the devil, lucifer himself. i couldn't believe it, and when the parent finally strolls around the corner, they say, "whoops, honey dont do that." and just throws the wig the child is now wearing on the ground. Did anything of what that woman did help? besides the fact she took the child into the other freshly cleaned aisle so he could terrorize that work too, no i dont think it did. I guess you could say by then any relief from what has now become my permanent torture would have been fine. Cleaning the bathrooms or sweeping or even mixing paint! All i know is, everytime i walk into that store to put in my part-time low paying time, i know what is waiting for me....
...the halloween aisle and all its terrors.

The halloween capers will continue til the day i die, because we all know, that i will never leave K-Mart, they have me in there grip forever!

If that doesn't scare you, then you need to work part-time in retail and we will see how you look at things.

i leave you with the song of the day:
a nice happy tune, that has been stuck in there for days:
Daughters by: John Mayer

....looking down on creation

I actually had a great weekend, your definition of great may differ from mine, but its the little things that make the time seem that much better. I worked on saturday, that was not part of my greatness, it was apart of the frustration i hold when i go to work, but it all diminished quickly. As soon as i got home from work that day, Erin had called me. It made my day. Whether we ultimately hung-out or not didn't matter, it was just great to know that Erin was thinking about hanging out when i was. I love when that happens. I have still been feeling momentary lapses of pain in my head from all the drama from previous days but it wasn't as harsh as it was before. Saturday night just seemed like a great idea, the idea of the saturday night. Everyone has it, everyone's idea is different from everyone else's but mine was the way i wanted it to be...

Erin picked me up in her lil' aspire around 6:30 to do whatever it is we wanted to do. We quickly decided to go to Barnes&Noble to visit our pal Lindsay, who works at the Cafe. The ride over there, like every other car ride experience with erin, was interesting. The lil' moments where you feel you may never again see the ones you love were frequent yet a lil jolt in your life never hurt...lol. We talked about alot of different things: school, the friends we have, our mutual friends, music, and of course movies. Erin suggests the "Red Velvet Mine"?(not sure if thats it) and "Igby goes down". I had beaten her to the post with that one, i saw that last winter. beat that biotch...lol, just kidding...anyway....

...we got to barnes&noble and made a quick appearance for lindsay, but we soon went browsing the books....the bargin books are the best! I almost bought this book called, THE LAST SAVAGE, and it looked sooo good and for $4.98...who can beat that! I didn't though, because i never learned to read so good. darn. I also was ashamed at the fact that we were looking for a book of Hi-Cu poems and the poetry aisle is right by the sexuality aisle....oh man, it was so interesting....but i was shocked to see such graphic pictures in those books! i mean come on, i may be a "good" girl, but when you have so many interesting books especially with pictures, what grown teenage girl/(especially)boy wouldn't skim through it. Erin pulled me out before i really got hooked. Thank you erin! haha. The reason we were looking for a Hi-cu poem book is so i could see what they are all about, considering erin is going to sell a slew of them to get money to go to a private college....power to ya! I am not cultured enough to know what they are, unfortunately we couldn't find any, and couldn't look to much longer considering the 'dirty' books were right there. We went back over to the cafe to say good-bye to lindsay, she was upset we came all the way over to mishawaka to see her and not buy anything, so erin bought a cookie in front of lindsay's boss from lindsay so she wouldn't look bad, i didn't. i feel bad, but my eyes were on a different prize.....

....Two weeks ago Erin made me eat my first Big Mac ever because she was shocked to find out that i had never tried one, so she promised that she would try a whopper for me if i tried the big mac, so thats what we did. We went to Burger King and ate Erin's first ever whopper and my(i dont know how many)th whopper. It was good and filling. We spent the time talking and laughing, sharing new stories and old ones, and new jokes and old jokes. It was good time, it was definately my pace...i think from all the laughing we did that night my head began to ache and since it has been really sensative lately we decided to go back to my dad's in elkhart...

...On the way home we concluded that the reason Erin cant drive to her full potential at night is because her car is so small that the headlights of wider vehicles cast a shadow on her and she has no sense of direction.....sounds like an excuse to me, but its true. We went to my dad's and watch the new 'Animal House' DVD and didn't finish it because i was tired and made Erin go home. I was beat from all the excitement, plus i had to work this morning at 9 so i wanted to sleep. And i did.

It was just one of those great saturday nights, they are really random, but thats exactly how i would want saturday night to be, doesn't have to be with only one person, or the same or do the same thing. Just keeping it as real as possible is what i like about it all. there was nothing forced or fake about it, and i like it that way.

Today, after reading a friend's thoughts it made me feel like they finally opened a door they have wanted to open for so long. Realizing some things are good or bad is a great thing...the only advice i would have for this friend, is to find your own way of 'fixing' things, thats what becoming an adult is all about. Sensoring yourself to please another person is wrong, but sensoring yourself to spare pain from another person is right, finding the standard for the two is the main battle. I love you guys! all of you, and without everyone in my life right now i probably wouldn't be as fulfilled as i feel. I hope everyone, including my friend in search for answers, knows that i love them more than anything, and you always come first. Thank you for everything.

That's it for now, but here is my emotionally deep, but not hard to figure out song of the day:
The Luckiest by: Ben Folds

####################################

I picked that song for my song of the day because of two reasons: 1)there is a simplicity to it that can make any person you think about fit the description of the one who makes you feel that way. 2) but there is also so much depth in that song that everyone filters out, and the one person you intend for it to be played for, gets it.

I have been reading around, the blogs that is. I felt for the first time, the blog in fact gave them their voice instead of hiding it. For the longest time, i felt that the blog was a way step around the drama and confrontation, and way to avoid conversation and meaningful stories. Keeping it general....it seemed so impersonal. Its not, its not impersonal, only if you let it become impersonal. the people who write in these journals are telling you what is on their mind whether it be deep thought, a funny joke, or a dull happening of the day..no matter, it is what they are focused on. It is them...stripped of all the blinding light and excessive wrapping. I believe only the person who writes and the person who reads can determine whether or not a wall has been put up or put down because of a blog. For awhile i thought a wall was put up, a wall that prevented normal conversation and venting between friends to take place, but its not. Its a way to call out to your friends, i need you or i dont need you but i want you to know what has been going on, even though they cant tell you personally. I think just knowing makes you feel better. I dont know what i am trying to say, i am kinda just putting all of it out there. but if someone can crack the code, understand what i have written, then they know me well enough to know that the blog does not in fact make me who i am, but it is a way to share it further with more and more people and be proud of it. if they dont get it, then keep trying, ask me personal questions and if you dont care enough to take the effort then you dont care enough to figure me out as a friend. the effort is what separates the friends from the aquaintances, both are good, but which do you want more of ? i will let the people who ask me, answer the question.

Quote of the day:
"dont worry, everything will come out in the wash." - my grandma freudenburg(fannie)

I'm on top of the world....

today is just one of those days....you know the days, the ones where you do opposite of what your gut tells you and you get slapped in the face later. the ones where you study hard for the big class at the end of the day and realize you play jeopardy instead. the ones where you wear your favorite t-shirt and get ketchup splattered on it because of the goof-off kid negligence for those around. the ones where it doesn't matter what you say or do, things just dont seem to be good enough for anyone.......yep, i have had that kind of day today. The thing is tho....it really doesn't surprise me, its like everytime i have something i am looking forward to, i get shut down...its weird. Ah well, alot of how today went was because of how yesterday went.

Yesterday.....pretty normal day for me @ school, despite it being "fake-an-injury" day at school. Homecoming days, you know how those are....lol. We had a pep rally during SP, and i had a good first hour w/ Mr. Foutz and my econ class, so not a bad start to my favorite day of the week, which is thursday. dont ask me why, but there is something about the day of thursday, i am quirky what can i say?...hehe. After my not so healthy lunch i was feeling woosy and not my self, which made me nervous because i was on my way to my dreaded chemistry class, the last thing you want is to feel bad during that class. Well, to make a long story even longer, i got sick during class, which made an intense pain in my head develop, so intense that trying to focus on one object could make me tear. I did not know how to handle this, or did not know what i was dealing with. I made my way to the nurse to find she is gone for the day and the 'kind' lady at the student office could in fact make me feel better, whateva. she made sit in a crowded, highly lit room while asking me questions i couldn't answer. I felt like i was in pre-school and was being quizzed on whether or not i could recite my address and phone number...i drew a blank. NOt much is clear to me on the events that occured after that..to my understanding i was disoriented and dillusional. Or thats what they tell me, i will believe them...all i know is i woke up a few hours later in my bed at 7. Sounds strange and unusual but this is my life, and the strange and unusual happen everyday.

The events of yesterday, affected my performance as a student today. I was late to school by a few hours and i could not read so good. (or write for that matter) i put my time in at school today so i can march in the highly anticipated homecoming game tonight, although i have been informed by my mother and my family physician that this probably would not be the best idea in my condition. what condition? i am not cancer striken, i dont have a fatal disease, i had a headache, a headache that has ceased to end in the last 24 hours but that should not prohibit me from social activities that i participate in. Its a major dissapointment for me, i hate to be left out of things, and it just sucks all together. I am a senior in highschool and things like homecoming mean alot to me, call me crazy. haha. oh well, life goes on....if i'm lying i'm dying.

well thats it for now, i will post later, for the handful of people who actually read it. See ya later guys, dont let rain ruin you day!

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Back again! I ended up going to the football game tonight for marching band. I spazed out...it was so cold and my body just couldn't handle it. I was in such a weird state that i didn't even march the halftime show, i had to stand on the sideline like a goon. I have never not marched a halftime show before, so i was really upset....but i knew i wouldn't have been able to control myself on the wet muddy football field in the cold misting rain. One last game left....it will be senior night, and my last home football game experience, we have a halftime performance at hope college on Nov. 1st so it wont be my last time marching, i wish it were. I am ready to move on i think, kinda take in what i have and move on...i dont know, its weird to describe. ah well....

I am really happy with the way things are playing out for everyone this year so far, there were, and still are, so many worries amongst my friends that it made, and still makes, me nervous for them. I dont ever like to see my friends in pain, what normal human being would? I love them with all my heart...i dont need to name them, because they know if they are my friends or not, they dont need a list to tell them that, and if they do, thats really too bad...

....I have been thinking about college alot lately, i figure its time to do that, considering i have been avoiding it the past three years. It wasn't until i was surrounded by friends who were on there way, that i realized what a big step it is and what kind of things come with the territory of leaving....to me the seasons have a feeling, and right now, fall is a feeling of establishment. A time where you are permanently in a routine and comfortable where you are at.......winter is the time for execution(no, not death) but taking the routine set up in fall and just executed to the best of your ability.....spring exerts alot of unsettlement, a time where the routine set up prior is no longer good enough and getting a new one will not be available for another 4-6 months.....summer is the time for change, where no routine is in action and anything goes, the summer alone can make or break you....in most cases it makes the person!

....I am fully considering Western Michigan University, Ball State University, Indiana University-Bloomington, and Valporaiso University(to satisfy the lutheran roots). All seem great, and with one visit down and three to go, it doesn't seem fair to choose my favorite, because i will more than likely choose the one i visited. Go Broncos! Western is a really great place, with a fairly large student body of about 30,000 i think i could handle it. The campus is beautiful and located in the wonderful city of Kalamazoo MIchigan, so its you could say its high on my list....lol, but i will wait til the end of this month when the visits are done to make up my mind....lol.

I have been rambling for a long long time, sorry guys. I needed to say something...lol. Hope everyone is happy and healthy and enjoying life! Catch ya later!

Of course, DJ Shanny B's song of the day:
Cannonball by: Damien Rice

Its definatley the blonde

Wow! so this is what this feels like?! blogging that is.....i know i know, you bloomtown folk are probably in a frenzy right now. What am i thinking? well i am not thinking so well lately so i thought this would be a good solution...lol. I am Shannon(shanny B) to most and i am blogging for the very first time...haha. I am not good with spelling or grammar, so if you hate people who dont write so good, then this site is not the one for you. I wrote of these before, but it got lost somewhere on the internet, i just dont get it sometimes...i will be thankful for just getting this one posted.

I am a high school senior at Elkhart Memorial High School in Elkhart, In. I live a simple existence with an accelerated amount of drama, and i wouldn't have it any other way! this is my life, and its a great thing. My friends and family are my whole world. i have a great set of friends, ones that will never be replaced in my life.

I have two loves in my life: my dented sunfire and my coldplay;parachutes cd
I have two hates(things i dislike strongly) in my life: my job and stupid people(and that usually isn't their fault its the people they surround themselves with)

I know this is incredibly dull, and that may be in fact true, but i dont need to hear it from anyone. I like what i do, and i do not like constructive criticism, there i admitted it. LoL, i do like input from people but i dont like to be appeased(that word is courtesy of ant). so just be honest and things will be great. I am gunna wrap this up for right now, cuz i want to save some for later, i would hate to spoil a good thing too soon. and as many of my blogger friends know, the song of the day has become a tradition, so i am going to continue that with my own version...

My flashback song of the day:
Too Legit (to quit) by MC Hammer

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I am back for round two, day one. Man oh man! when life gives you lemons.....tell life to take em' back and give you something better, like an orange. Tonight was the annual class olympics for homecoming week at Elkhart Memorial...most anticipated event of the week(besides the obvious football game) I went to support the seniors and lindsay was kind enough to take me.....shes so great. I technically paid 5 dollars to get in because it was for charity and they didn't want to take money out of the pot for my change, so once again today, the riley's children's hospital got another chunk of my not so existent money supply...you better help some sick kids. Well, things were going great, everyone was happy and cheering on their respective classes.....then the boom comes. I get informed of some fellow classmates not so discrete illegal actions taking place in the near-by hallway. to make the long, dramatic story short.....i dont think we will be seeing those two anytime soon this week or maybe even next week. Its really sad, they had so much to look forward to and now they will spend the time that is supposed to be carefree and memorable either under supervision or not get to experience it at all. I my heart goes out to them, but this has to be a teaching tool. the only one to blame is themselves....and they will have to live with that for the rest of their lives....

On a lighter note....Josondra took me home tonight, Lindsay had prior arrangements, and her window broke at the worse time. It was 35 degrees and rainy, i dont know about you, but that combination equals some nasty weather. It was nice to drive home at 50 mi/h in the cold rain tho....times like those should be placed in the memory books. I also got a chance to hear the solo dave album today, and it wasn't too bad. i gotta hand it to the guy, he is talented. if it weren't for ant, i prolly wouldn't be interested in him at all.

I know i am not good at this yet, and i dont write with college prestige but i feel like i am writing about what i really think about....not about what i want people to think i am thinking about, or that they wish i was thinking about.....if i had a problem and it was on my mind i would express it. its just hard to let that kind of intimacy out onto a web page...something i will have to work on. maybe people can help teach me....just dont appease me. hehehe
~night all!

*tip of the day!: Don't do things for other people, do them for yourself....you have vip access to your life, you should utilize it, and make sure you don't let someone else get to it first.