fa la la la la, la la la la....oh damn, wrong one!

Happy Turkey Day to all! I am nut, thats why I take holiday time and use it as blog time. I am not a particular fan of eating pumpkin pie and eating after dinner mints. No, i am more of a turkey eating and take a three hour nap Thanksgiving Day patriot. I didn't just sleep for the heck of it, I slept because I was tired. I think that is reason enough. I was so tired because I went to bed later than I should've and had to wake up earlier than normal.

Today, the Mart wanted me to work from 6:45 to 12. Thats cool with me. The Lions don't start to play until 12:30, so I was all set. Much to my surprise when I arrived to work, there were a long line of die-hard shoppers, waiting for the store to open its doors. I was hoping maybe they wouldn't open them for me, but they did....darn. Anywho, Layaway was pretty hopin' this morning, first customer was at 7am sharp, and boy was she cranky. I love starting my day out so wonderfully. Sudha, the indian woman who works in layaway, came in at 8 and bugged the shit out of me. I am big girl, I dont need her clucking to tell me what to do. I am not racist, but I am mean to this one human being, because she is not very nice to me. So, we try to keep our distant. My boss saw how slow it was at 11:15 and i got to go home early. That made up for everything that had gone bad. It was nice to go home and just rest til Turkey time.

Last night was great, in some ways and not so great, in others. The college folk were back, this makes me really happy. I miss seeing everyone I was so accustom to interacting with on such a regular basis. The night started a lil late, for my standards anyway, but it was a great night all around. I got to go the Grind for a few hours, which is great because I love the environment when its real quiet. Lets me get a lot of thinking done, I think the only problem with going there on such a regular basis though is, that I started drinking coffee on a regular basis...lol. I can't get enough. Oh well, maybe I can ween myself off. While I was there, I ran into(figuratively) Nik and Kiran. It was a pleasant surprise and has some good casual conversation. It didn't make you feel locked in, like some run-ins tend to do...this made me feel good. I decided after that, I was gunna go home and practice the horn for awhile. It was good, I feel better each day with the solo. It should be ready by late next month. I probably wont get a first on it. So that sucks...I mean, i haven't done a solo since 8th grade, and now I am doing Group 1. Well, I could use some luck, so if you got any..pass it this way!..lol. It was close to go time for the rendevous that me and lonnie(mostly me) put together for that night. I was excited, I miss Ant and Amber, sometimes you wish they could just be there when you need them most, but they can't. Me, Lonnie, Anthony, Amber, and Collin all met up at Steak n' Shake soon to get the word that even more college amigos were at Callahan's. We finished and the Sn'S and drove on over to Callahan's. Phil, Kristi, and Ruthie were already there, it was great to see Phil. For the short time that I got to know him a little he was always super to me, I liked him from the start. He never treated me and different. He is really genuine. Kristi and Ruthann I could have done without...but you know, life aint fair sometimes. Soon after we arrived, it was Erin and Charlotte. They are great as well. Me and Erin was alot closer because she lives here, and me and charlotte got a bad start, but ended on good terms. Like i said, they are truly just swell people. THEN..even later, came Felipe, Matt, Tony, Lindsay, and GOwdy...it was a giant reunion. Callahan's got too small for all of us, so everyone decided to go to Phil's. It worked out great, because I just dropped my car off at my house and walked to Phil's...I like to walk when I can. The only trouble with that was when I wanted to leave, it was pouring down rain. Antcat and Rin Yne took me home to end the night great.

Alright, you heard the run down...but, did you hear the inside scoop? No? Yes? Well, things get rough sometimes, I am not going to lie to you. Shit goes down and people get hurt...to tell you the truth, its inevitable that anything else would happen when all of us get together. Thats not neccessarily a bad thing. People get hurt and mad, and we never know why, until its too late. I am a neutral part of the group. I dont believe one person is responsible for all actions against another. I just like people in my general area to be happy and/or content with their surroundings. I dont think its right to dry dirty laundry out to some of those who dont need to see it. The ones that do, already know. Things were said and done that hurt some, and made others uncomfortable. I just hope, people can see whats really truly important and use that as a reason to be happy. I love you all, and i know you all can overcome certain things. Everyone, can improve their people skills and open their arms wider. I promise you, it will be the most satisfying thing that you could ever do.

Last night, after three cups of coffee and and old emotions in the mix, i guess you could say the only thing that has changed, is the coffee. LoL. I may not be in college or have an exciting new life, but I can still listen, and I think I am pretty damn good at it. LoL. I may not fit in as well or be a lil different, but so is everyone else, and thats what makes the friendships continue...as you grow, so do the relationships. Its a great thing.

Alright, since I have gotten all preachy I think its time to call it quits. I have an open door, and you can walk through it anytime. Please just be happy and safe. I hope everyone's holiday was filled with lasting memories, good or bad. Until next time...

flipping amazing!

Hey yall! its tuesday morning in the ol' E.o.C and its a lil chilly. So chilly that your breath doesn't want to leave your bodyand it ends up going deep inside your chest. Your chest gets so cold and dry its like someone froze it or something. I dont know what that feels like, but i am sure it hurts quite a bit, i guess one can only imagine. Well, I did it, word from Bloomington came north the other day...I got in, although unofficially. Here is the thing, my counselor had marked that I had yet to take the SAT due to the fact i am taking it in December. Well, i took it last May and those scores are pretty decent. They did receive those scores by accident and accepted me on those terms, but due to the fact my application says I haven't taken them yet, I have to wait until my scores are processed from December before my application can be processed. So thats that, but its nice to know that unofficially i am accepted. I have decided on IU because of its great communications program and friendly campus environment. If something were to happen to my acceptance to IU, i would go to Ball State. They have a great program too, but their campus was not as inviting. Felt kind of dreary and cold. I need warmth and happiness coming from my surroundings, so i would go there as a last resort. Hopefully i dont have to. This week I also received my acceptance to Western. Not a huge surprise, but great none the less. Its a great school, but its too close to home for me, and doesn't offer the best of options considering my major. Applying for Western was mostly for show, to please my dad. I did enjoy it though, its got pizazz.

I was going to blog last night, i had alot of things floating through my head; quotes, one-liners, feelings,and a good chronilogical order of events...but, the blogger system was down for some reason. It may have been just my connection or maybe the whole system, i dunno. It disgruntled me greatly...i would just go ahead and blog now what i was going to then, but I have slept those thoughts away. All my catchy phrases and lines. All gone. Maybe as I am blogging today, they will come to me later on. Who knows? All I know is that my blog will be 100% original. I mean, not that everyone else' s isn't, but I have never been the one to steal ideas....except for getting this idea of blogging from a few people, but thats different. I am not the one to keep dragging on and on and on(okay maybe i am) but I always do all shanny B all the time. For others it may be a lil more difficult. Its okay....we all have to borrow from people every now and then. Where would John Williams be today if he hadn't borrowed a few ideas from Dvorak..you tell me that. I guess it doesn't matter, i just like to start confrontation because its easy and sometimes rather enjoyable. Mwahahahhamwahahhaa. (i borrowed that laugh from Collin, he's a lil f*@# c%&$! )

I also have come to realize that life is no more than a giant 'two-step'. I mean you go back and forth through life all the time, kind of like a 'two step'. Its not a bad thing though, when you are behind you will always catch up. Plus you get to pick the tempo of your own music. You determine how fast or slow you go, letting you be in control of whether or not you are ahead or behind in life. Sometimes we just need a water break and sometimes you want to dance all night! whatever you choose to do, you can always get back in step and keep the pace. YOu may not like to 'two-step', i think its kind of cool, but i can't do it too well, but at least i try, and thats all that matters. As i said i am not all that good at 'two-steppin', in fact I am not too good at anything really. I am not skillful, the only skill i hold is creating horrible new words with C.J aka Collin Case. I dont klnow why we started this new fad, but it is really fun. Coming up with new gross and degrating words for some reason just tickle us pink. i guess we all have our own things. This is mine.

My chemistry teacher, Miss Connie Beigel, is the nicest crazy person I have ever met. She is so sweet, someone who will never marry and always be home knitting or stroking her cats. I know this, because she told us this is what her free time is made up of. She has devoted her life to Chemistry and to nothing else. Makes me feel sad, but her sweetness makes up for it. She reminds me of that dorky teacher in the movie clueless that they want to make-over, except worse off. Like i said, she is so sweet, but it gets in the way of her being effective as a teacher. Teaching at the college level is too much for me right now, and we try to tell her to slow down, but i think to her that means picking up a new colored marker and continuing a rapid speed. Every now and then she will make a joke or reference about Mr. McCasland and make me think about how our seniors use to admire him so. I wish i could have study chemistry under him. I dont think he would put up an education poster about safety goggles. Although that poster is hilarious, she didn't put it up to be serious, she did it to be safe. "Carol didn't wear her safety goggles, and now...she doesn't have to"...that goes along with a blind woman and her dog walking. Priceless.

Well i did have more to say, but my computer just erased the last ten minutes of writing. I guess it is a God sent sign, i better pay attention. So til next time....

what goes around, stays around

I had alot of stuff happen yesterday, i mean, nothing too exciting, but i am just lucky to have stuff happen to me. I take alot of things for granted, i wish i didn't. There is too much to appreciate. I used to complain all the time, i still do, but not as much. I like to be around my loved ones and just shoot the breeze, thats where i feel the most comfortable. Appreciating every chance i get with them is my only way to feel successful later on. I have a life that was a blessing, and i am going to use it to my advantage. Some people, never get the chance to do or see things i get to, and that makes me sad. I just hope for the upcoming holidays, that everyone can feel a sense of home and happiness with the ones they surround themselves with, whether it be friends, family, or co-workers. I am mushy i know, but thats just me. I want everyone to feel as loved and happy as I do.

Last night, the gang was gathering at the Daily Grind, sort of as a meeting place. Not a final destination or anything. I got there around 7:30 and Brit Bower was there too. She is really cool, she is a junior and plays the clarinet. She is the section this year, and just joined the band this year. So thats awesome. She played before she came to memorial, but took a year off due to an injury. I like her, she has spunk. We sat on the black leather couch by the door to so we could see who was arriving easier. Why did we do this? I dont know, but sitting across from me was none other than Nik Skoulus(i know i fucked that up, but go with me here). It was great to see him, i hadn't seen him since august. He had a full beard, claiming it was due to the fact winter was rapidly approaching. Makes sense. We talked for a long time. The people that were supposed to be there were all late, some were there, but most weren't. I sat talked to Nik for a good hour and half. Basically touched on everything; music, politics, current events, economics, college...you name it. It was really refreshing to talk to someone you know, but haven't talked to really ever. Funny, how that works out.

There was a musical duo by the name of ALABASTER there at the grind. They are from New Haven, In...lil outside Ft.Wayne. They were really good. The handful of us there made up half the audience. THey were really friendly. Even let Lonnie go get his trumpet out of his car and play on a few songs or two. Lonnie cracks me up, so outgoing and confident when it comes to music. he doesn't care who he plays with or when, if you ask him, he will at least try to do it. Thats a great quality to have.

After two hours at the grind, the gang finally shows up and we depart to Ryan Misener's. Its been the popular hang out of choice my last two years at Memorial, and it prolly will be until i graduate(at least for me) for others it will last until they graduate. Its just the ideal house for chilling. Really very nice. It was a nice mix of people and conversation. Very much my pace. New faces in the gang, its nice to have new people come in and hang out. Makes the night seem a lil more sporatic...lol.

As the night progressed my cold worsened. I began to feel pressure, my nose stuffed, and my thoart hoarse. They more i talked, the more i could no longer. I finally just stopped talking...lol, wow! i know, a dream come true...haha. I went home around 12:30 and went to bed. Just to awake to feeling the same the next morning. Oh well. Life goes on.

Thats gunna do it for me, i am going to go nap. Hope yall have a great weekend! til next time...

when the weather warms up, the crazies come out

It was a beautiful day....to go inside all day and sit in boring classes! Yeah, its thursday already, i am happy though. This weekend will be smooth sailing for Shanny B. I like that.
I started my day off right though....frosty car, jammed finger, and missing purse. The weather was supposed to reach a high temp. of 68 today...wow! well too bad that at 7:30 it was only 30! LoL, i felt sorry for people in flip flops and shorts..aka...collin, but he asked for it. kept claiming that it would be worth it in about 7 hours when we would leave school. He was right. It was very pleasant out. I played the summer tunes in the car, and had the sun shining in. It was fan-tas-tic.
Today was also a gold day, so that means the success period news cast was today. I usually have a blast working on them and appearing on them, but there is a co-anchor that is on there that SUCKS. I am not being mean, i am being honest. I get embarressed to do the show because of that girl. People hate her and she is stubborn. Doesn't feel she has a problem. Well, i have a problem with her, so....i handled it. Let's just say she wont be on TV til she can learn to read.
It was a great hair day! Not to toot my own horn or anything(okay maybe i am), but I looked pretty good today. I had braids in the night before and slept in them overnight to create a perm-type look. It wasn't too bad, and I had alot of compliments...those are things anyone would love to hear. So it was a great day...lol, i am so vain. hehe...oh well.
Lately, alot of bustle of winter dance has been around. I hadn't really thought about it until recently. I have SAT the morning of the dance and I dont know how it will all work out. Knowing that I like to get my hair done and everything i wouldn't have time to go get it done. I have decided to just do it myself and hope for the best. I am saving mucho dinero this year. I am wearing a old dress, and doing my own hair. I plan on going with a co-ed group of friends. Alot of us dont really want dates but are required to go because of NHS. It should be alot of fun...there is only one person I wouldn't mind asking me. He is really great, very polite and what not, but I dont know him that well yet. So I dont think thats gunna work out. Maybe some other time...

That does it for me for tonight. I wish I didn't have to go to school tomorrow, but I guess I gotta do what I gotta do. Take care all! Don't be a stranger! til next time....

yadda yadda yadda

man oh man. this class is so boring.
Hey everyone, its me, your old pal, bringing you something new. I am coming live and in living color from first period. Its Business Law and a red day. Ihave english next, then discrete, then off toorchestra i go. It should be a blah day. The highlight of the day will be when i get to go home and go to sleep. I am so tired. I woke up with another cold and not enough sleep. I guess my daily vitamins aren't doing their jobs. Hm, i'll have to look into that.

I realized how easy i have it when comparing my life to others. It must be hard to always be in a jam, I have breaks every now and again, and thrive on them to make myself feel right again. I guess i couldn't imagine being in unfamiliar terrirtory and not have a place to be normal. I dont know, i guess we live and learn. How to deal is what we all really need to learn. Coping with change and accepting it is a struggle everyone faces, thats why so many people have so many problems. Thats not a bad thing, i think without problems, none of us would be right. LoL

Well, i gotta get scootin'. This keyboard sucks...its always sticking and loud, makes me irritated...lol. (the lil things i tell ya) Hope all is well. Holla back!

Question of the day?????
If you could trade places with any person of the opposite gender, who would it be and why?

You know what to do.....email me, im me, or sign the guestbook with the response.

the cool side of the pillow

usually some kind of relief comes from the cool side of the pillow, especially on a hot, restless, july night that never shows signs of cooling off. Well, its november, its freezing rain outside, and i am dirt tired. I have two pillows and they aren't showing any relief for my sleeping torture. I tried watching tv, listening to music, and just laying in silence. None of those methods seemed to be helping the thoughts filling my head. They are so random, yet, consuming. They mean so little, yet, so much. I may not be making sense and maybe this is all a big dream and i am laying comfortably in my bed...but i doubt it. A good night's sleep is all i want.

For me this is late, because i live constant 18 hour days...for me thats alot. Always moving, doing something...feeling i have to please everyone(i like to please everyone, so its not an obligation) but i think i am wearing down. growing weary. I want to be strong for whats to come, but i dont think i am doing a very good job.

People and things change. Why can't I accept that? I guess i have an idea of what everyone and everything will be like, and if i want it bad enough it will happen the way i want to. Stupid i know, i doesn't work like that. Imagine how good things would be if it were. And imagine how bad at the same time. I am not trying to make a point here, i am not trying to solve any big life mysterious, or move for world peace. I am just a girl, who can't sleep. I am just a girl, who has problems letting go, and even bigger problems moving on. I am scared for whats to come, of what i neglected to do, and what i am capable of.

People say I've changed. That I am different. One thing I have always stuck by, but never seemed to grasp was this, " Different doesn't have to be bad, its what you make it. Various levels is what keeps you going." I dont think i am bad different, i am just different different. I have had alot to take in and learn from in the past year, and it made me different. Some seem to like it, and others seem to disregard it. Fine. This is me. Whether i am good different or bad different, i am still me. You can't take it away from me. I wish I could be whatever it is, everyone wants me to be so they can be pleased. In the end, I hope just being me will do. Will I be good enough later on? or am i good enough now?

I dont feel deprived of any amount of love, and I am not depressed. I think I am lacking the sense of friendship I once had with others. Some of my bonds i have formed in the past have broken, others strengthened. What about in between? the ones that are hanging on but no longer serving the same purpose, merely just trying to devote every ounce of energy into holding on. Should it just be broken, or should the fight continue to go on and see how it ends. I am an optimist. Always have been, hopefully the bond can hold. Make the journey, just long enough till the heavy duty stuff comes in and strengthenes it 5 times.

LIke i said, i am not trying to be spiritual...or lead you off into some dimension made up of entirely duct tape and crumbling structures. I am just telling you, that i am just a girl, who can't sleep. This is why.

Hope your day is filled with nothing but good things.
*do a self-less good deed, it will make you feel great.
(just an fyi, if you get woozy with needles, dont give blood)

some time to think...

Things are still good for me, there is nothing to complain about really. I had a very relaxing weekend, i worked on friday but got to go to lindsay's after. It was nice. She turned 18 on Friday and she had a lil family get together with, of course her family, and me and danielle. It was really great. After the cake and ice-cream and the presents that she already knew she was getting, we popped in Finding Nemo. The whole family stayed til midnight and watched that movie together. It was the most precious thing I had ever seen. I guess I am jealous. I haven't had too many good birthdays to date. Last year, was great, despite bad news in the family, things just seemed perfect. I would have to say, this past year has been the best, through every little thing, things just seemed to be working in my best interest. It seems that death, horrible weather, illegal activity, and unforunate accidents all seem to land on my birthday. Its not just me either, its my whole family. My brother's b-day is september 11, my parents split on my sis's birthday, and i have had more than my share of bad incidences. Oh well, the day isn't so much whats important, I think just the fact that another year was given to me is what it is really all about. I would rather just know that i get one more year, then celebrate the year gone by. Look ahead, not behind. Congrats Lindsay! You get another year! Love you!

On saturday I had no plans ahead of me. The first time in weeks. I mean i usually always work, or have plans ahead of time or have an appointment or obligation or something, but this time...nothing. I woke up at lindsay's aorund 10:30 and me her unsuccessfully got up in time for a breakfast outing. so around 12 we got around and went to perkins for lunch. It was good. I took her home and went to my daddy's. It was just me and him this weekend because my brother went to indy/ bloomington for his air force physical/to meet his IU firends. I had to go to the library to meet an english partner at 2:30. I decided to go at 1 so i could get some more research done. the problem is, i was at the Cleveland Branch, not too good for reference, considering my house is bigger than that library. Oh well. I got what i could and slopped through it. We met and departedquickly. Why did we want to meet up again? seemed like a good idea at the time. lol. while i was at the EPL i went through the movies and found, Steel Magnolias. I love that movie. Its a great movie to watch by yourself. It was great...of course Shelby dies, and Maline is heartbroken, but life goes on in Shelby's lil boy. Making the circle of Louisiana life go on. it was beautiful.....

....i still hadn't showered that day. I decided it was time around 5. it felt nice, clean is good. I got around and decided to call lonnie and collin, both not home...bummer. Oh well, plan B.....shopping! even though i dont have money its always fun to go try things on and act like you are gunna buy them, and then act too good for them and give them back to the sales associate. LoL, you get your kicks your way, i'll get mine my way...lol. I found alot of neat stuff, and ran into quite a few people. People i wouldn't expect to see. I dont like running into those people, makes you feel like you are being judged, and if thats the case, then i bet i didn't score very high. Being alone on a saturday night in the mall wearing t-shirt and tennis shoes with wet pulled back hair is not my idea of being prosperous in the high school life. Maybe i got it all wrong. I also went to Barnes and Noble to see linds in the cafe. She was really busy. So i bought my frappacino, and browsed the bargain books and went on my merry way...

...as i was making my merry way home, i decided to take the toll road for two reasons: 1) the person in front of me was habitually drving ten under for the conditions and was going to elkhart because i saw his plates, didn't want to follow that home. 2) I have a window that works now, so i can easily move it up or down for easy toll booth access! LoL. It was a speedy trip home. Saved me 7-10 minutes i bet. It was only 9 o'clock when i got off the toll road so i decided to go to K-mart and hang out with ol Erin til she got off work. I just followed her around and hopped into moving carts, and told Erin i was going to try on every ring in the jewelry counter. I didn't but i did do one whole side..not bad if you ask me. After work we decided to go to callahans for coffee and smokey conversation. It was good, but chilly. The greek coffee did warm me very well. The night was still young and we decided to go to Steak n' Shake for yet again coffee and smokey conversation. I didn;t get coffee though, i got hot chocolate. I had already too much coffee for one day. It was great. I miss talking to Erin so much. We talked about everything and everyone..thats the way we are. I wish things were like they were last year in school, i miss alot of the old gang. I do alright with the way things are now, but its hard to go from having the best to having the same without the best, you know? Things are fine, but things could be better. I think thats true for anybody though...

Today, was an EXTREMELY lazy day. The only reason i got out of my pajamas was to get ready for work. I worked at three, you do the math. I awoke to wonderful aroma filling the house. Oh my goodness, my daddy made me breakfast! It was fabulous, a treat...you see my dad doesn't do things like that. I was shocked but grateful. He made my favorite kind of omelette, smothered in velveeta cheese...yumm, and all the traditional sides. Toast, sausage, and potatoes. I was good for the rest of the day. Really just made my day. After my wonderful breakfast i just sat and talked with my dad til work. It was nice. period.

Work was crappy as usual. Erin was working though, that is always great. I found out my hours got cut because of budget cuts. Thats not cool though...christmas is the time where you make the most money from the whole year. I went from working a 9 hour shift the day after thanksgiving, to not working at all. Its cool cuz i can hang with all my friends, but thats a great money making day. Oh well, i guess as long as i have some kind of income i should be happy. Hopefully Josondra still has an opening for her concert day. She got tickets to see John Williams conduct the Chicago Symphony the day after thanksgiving, and invited me! I was so excited, but i had to decline because of work, but now i dont have to work anymore, so maybe i can still go. That would be awesome. I didn't get to see The Symphony this summer, so it would be great to see them now..and with John Williams conducting of all people. I bet it would be a great show.

Time really takes its toll on you when you are by yourself. Not lonely but just independent. I do my best thinking when I drive. I did plenty of it this weekend. I find clarity in so many confusing topics. Sometimes I make them worse. In the end though, i always have a smile on my face. I still stay true to myself. Something I haven't done in a long time. I am glad i have continued to stay true to myself, so i can help those i love. It means the world to me, to be a great friend. I hope everyone can feel as happy as I do, just my eschanging a smile or a glance. I know even though they may not be there all the time, they are still near by, listening for my call. Makes you feel good.

I got to hit the books. I must read the memoirs of the holocausts survivors. I am so full of life, i just hope i dont get too depressed. Til next time...

The shanny B quick pick of the day:
The Best of Times by: Styx

when the foot turns in...

You know what?! I am so tired, not because of lack of sleep or anything, but from all the excitement I have had today. It was full of rednecks and ass whoopins...material that can make anyone's day turn sunny.

Wow, what a great day. I wake up to find a huge fog sitting over my house, as if it were protecting me from the morning sunrise that will no longer shine until spring. It was a happy feeling. The feeling of knowing you could turn on the TV and watch the morning news with confidence and know your particular school would be featured. Not as a story but one of many to be listed for school delays. I dont care how old you get, whether you are in elementary or highschool, you get excited when delays and cancellations become a reality for you. The two hour delay was a go, and so was the sleeping. The shower will have to wait, I want to catch up with the tales in my dreams(which no one ever can, and if you do....it imediately goes into another scenario.) what seemed like 15 minutes was two more hours of sleep and a rested peace of mind. I gladly got in the shower and got ready today. It was already a good day. Econ would be short and success perios cancelled. Just the simple things are great. the only bad news i had was my chemistry test score...yikes. What i got, is what i deserved...just some advice, if you want to avoid the grade of a "G" you better study at least more than 25 minutes before the actual test. It will do you alot of good. Also today was seat auditions in band. I wasn't too worried considering I knew my fate ahead of time. I will be second chair and I will pull it off marvelously. I have gotten alot better, i enjoy to play more than i did. I guess when you learn how to play better, you want to do it more....hm, who would have thought..lol.

After school I decided to go to the daily grind. I asked Lonnie if he wanted to come and lindsay too. In the end; Lindsay, Zach, Lonnie, Ryan, and George were all there. We had good conversation and Zach ruined the ending to the Matrix Revolutions...what an ass. Anywho...time was passing and finally the idea of venturing up to the Kessington House came up. I had never been and really wanted to check it out. Sounded like fun, i saw footage from ryan one day in class. We started up and dropped george off at home first. We got there and it was pretty out in the open. I thought it was more of a hidden house. Oh well, i guess if you are out in the open the leather face killers can't perform so well...so thats points for our team! I found the drive, well beaten path, and pull up. The first thing i see is a NO TRESPASSING sign posted on a huge oak. I thought, "hmm..maybe i should just turn around and go back, i mean it is broad daylight and someone could report us, and i really dont know if i feel right about it...", but then i realized how much i wanted to see it and i said, fuck it. So, we all got out and ventured to the back of the house where ryan lead us to. he knew the house the best, he had been up there the most. he realized the house had been tampered with, boarded up to be exact. Oh well, at least i got to see it. We walked to the car and i wanted to change the CD before we left. Since my new car has a disc changer in the back i have to open the trunk and figure out which slot is which. I am not used to the car yet so it takes a lil bit of time. In the process of loading Jimmy Buffet i hear, "um, shannon, now would be a great time to leave." "someone is coming up here." Whatever, these guys just want to scare me, but sure enough, he comes the neighbor..the firefighters wife to be exact. Fuck! I get out of the car and tell them to stay in...i will take of this...we are both women. Anywayz, has this pissed off looked planted on her dirty redneck face. Large, fake blonde woman with a permanent cigarette in her right hand. I mean in the midst of getting out of her house, into her car, and driving, she still has her cigarette from prolly 10 minutes earlier. It actually had alot of my attention. She asked me what i was doing, why i was there, who i was...and i just put on my innocent voice and said, " i just heard alot of stories about this place, and i had never been here before...i just wanted to see it." " i realized it was not cool being here so we decided to leave." as i was saying this, she started walking over to the back of the car, like she was looking for something. She was looking for my plate. i was thinknig, "stop looking, its on rear window..duh" she asked me what i wanted to do. Gave me two options. You can give me you plate number and i can turn it in or we can just call the cops now and wait for em to come. Hm...let me think......i want to go to jail so lets pick choice number one.....GIRL PLEASE. I have michigan temporary plates anyway, it would take the cass police a few days before they would even find out where i lived. So, i didn't hesitate. I figured i would try ot convince her i was just a naive curious teenager. Asked her questions and kept her busy really. I was thinking about just sacrificing myself to her and letting the boys speed away before she could get a hold of my new car's numbers. It would have been worth it...lol, just kidding. I finally clenched her with this story: "I go to school in Elkhart, some people told me some stories about when they came up here, kind of like ghost stories, we just wanted to see it in day-light to see what was the big deal, we realized it was not cool for us to be snooping so we just decided to go home, we really weren't looking for trouble. I was the one who brought them up here, and if there is going to be a problem i will take full responsibility" i think she liked it. She told me she wouldn't turn in my plate number, but she was going to keep it in case someone would try to come up there again. i was thinking to myself, does she mean she will turn in my plate number if I come back agian or people in general come again? I decided not to ask, but the question is still floating in my mind. All i know is, my memorial people wont be gonig up there if thats the case cuz i am gunna get the raz for it. Its only day two in this car and Sheba is wanted in one mighigan county. maybe next week we can go for two...

Well after those exciting events i didn't feel like going to youth group tonight. Plus, my mom told me i was house stricken because i didn't call her after school. Ah well. You win some, you lose some. Turned out to work for the best. i got to do my nails, and watch the tube with my bro. Then we both decided to play a game. We decided on JITTERS, its an old game, but fun none the less. I whooped him. I handed him his ass. First game, i beat him 125 to 30...second game was closer 65 to 40 but i still was victorious. It was great to win, i never beat my brother in anything. I was content with stopping the sibling rivalry for one night, but he wanted to keep going. I did as he wished. Play another game, but not of JITTERS but the family classic "Dont Break The Ice". A game of skill and patience. Well you know what, he dropped that old women 3 times into the ice. Was it luck...i think not. It was a good ol' fashioned ASS whoopin'. I couldn't bare to see him sad anymore, so i relieved him of the competiton and we called it quicks. I ended the night with a 5-0 record. Victory is sweet! (by the way, i am not a competitive person..lol)

Its like i always say to myself...Things must be good when the foot turns in. For those of you who dont know, i have a funny foot. I am pigeon toed in one foot, my right foot to be exact. It turns inward when i walk, its kind of natural...anyways...i had therapy when i was little to walk with it straight and i do for the most part, but when things are just going so well(or bad) my mind kind of shifts and my foot drifts back to normal. Meaning, i walk with my turned foot. Its kind of sad, but when all is well, the foot turns in....i love my walk. Its unique...hehe. maybe someday i will walk normal...lol.

That's it for me today. I hope you had a great day! remember, to keep your shoulders back and your chin up, you look more confident...thus, you recieve more courtesy and respect. I think we all feel better when we feel welcomed amongst strangers. We feel our BEST when we are welcomed by our family. Love yall! mwah!

Song of the day:
"Its my life" : No Doubt
(its a great re-make...and a great band, why not?)

this is the start of something good...dont you agree

I think things are more than good. I am truly blessed. I thank GOD everyday for what I have. I guess you could say the past couple of days have been kind of shakey. Ups and Downs filled the agenda. One no greater than the other, it just seemed to cancel out in the end. Actually I think good got kicked into great....

Friday: Friday night was one of the most anticipated nights in recent or overall Memorial HIgh School history. Our undefeated, NLC champion, varsity football team was to play against the powerhouse of Penn @ our very own Charger Field for the Sectional title. BIG stuff. Everyone was pumped; alumni, parents, students, residents, and even former rival fans. The chargers accomodated 6000+ on the home side alone. Penn brought their fair share of fans as well. The excitement and spirit were there. It was out to be a great game, no matter who would win in the end. Unfornately, despite the wide variety of former rival team members and underdog fans present, Memorial could not come out with a win. It was devestating. I think the emotion of the game got everyone so attached, so the loss really affected alot of people. The football team had the best season to date, and will remember for the rest of their lives. I also got a lil emotional at the end of the game. Silence fell over me, and tears welled up. The loss just recieved and the realization of marching being over got to me. Silly really, but yet I knew i would do it. I mean, I knew I would be upset to see it be over. The games, the cheering, and the great memories were over. Compelations of Rice Field memories and those of charger field filled my head, and I felt sad. Tears of sadness at first, then tears of joy. It was not the end of something great, but the beginning of something better. My first chapter of high school has been completed, I am ready for the next. There are many more to go, and I tend to be a slow reader...

Saturday: Woke up with anticipation and a new cold to go with it. (Its alright. It happens.) Today was the day my mom is going to take me to find a new car. Now, not a NEW car, but a new used car. Its exciting to look, but I dont think I was ready to actually find a car and purchase it yet. I mean Sandy, my sunfire, had only been broken for a few days. It felt wrong, putting her out to pasture and everything, but we couldn't afford to keep her in proper working order. Shame, it really is. I love that car, always will. I think there is something about your first car that gets you...it touches you in the soft spot. Thinking of her in the driveway all empty and ready for her fate, while test driving the younger, sleeker looking car just didn't natural to me. Oh, dont get me wrong. I had a blast! Test driving cooler, newer cars was great. Really exciting, considering I was able to take one home to keep. It was like playing with a puppy at the store and knowing you could play with them at home. Its nice feeling. The guilt seems to just come into the back of the mind.
My cousin is a used car sales manager in Niles @ Tyler motors. He spotted a cute lil black car hot off the trade circuit. That was the spotlight car of the day for us. It had great features, reliable mileage, and simplicity that seems to fit me. We got the "family" discount and it made it really affordable. I am so lucky and fortunate to have parents that giving. I didn't expect a new car only a week after Sandy was diagnosed as undriveable, so this was unbelievable. My mom paid for it that day, and it would be detailed over the weekend, ready on Monday. That hurts a bit. You play with the puppy and get attached, and then you have to put it back in the cage. Knowing no one else will touch it is not the problem, its the problem that you want that puppy and it wants you. Oh well, Monday will be here before you know it, right?

The cold was kicking me in the ass though. With a combination of yelling the night before at the game and having a sore throat didn't make me sound real attractive. Nor did the red cheeks and nose make me look all that attractive. I guess you could say, I wasn't too healthy looking. Its okay though..nothing special to do. Just work. who needs to look good for K-Mart? really. No, I like to think I look nice when I go in, but for some reason, I feel like I am uglier when I leave. It must be something about the people I interact with and see. Sounds really bad, but its mostly just a frame of mind. The cold didn't help it any, but make it too much worse. People just dont seem to understand that when people get colds they sound bad. If I had a voice like that all the time, then people would think I was diseased. It happens.

Sunday: Woke up to a heavy frost and a beautiful sunrise. Its church time, and i wasn't going to miss it today. I didn't care about my cold or what time it was, I just wanted to go be close to the "feeling" again. I wanted to feel uplifted, and enriched with the word. I love that "feeling", and its been absent from me for quite sometime. I dont understand why, and I really wanted to. I wanted to know why I stopped caring. Why I didn't feel HE came first over me, and why I didn't care that i felt that way. I wanted to go because I wanted to. Something I have missed. It was great. It felt like I saw a long distance friend again after months and years apart. Cathing up and wanting to cover everything in a matter of minutes. A sense of love. It was everything I used to have. I am glad. I was afraid I may not be able to find it again. And if i did, would it have been the same? I dont know, all i know is. I love HIM. My life and the people who I love are better because of the faith, and whether they believe or not is irrevelant. I hope the "feeling" stays this time. I feel sad, and lonely without it. I dont want to feel like that again, ever. HE knows that now...

...Well, with a voice of a dove and the nose of a cherry I was ready to take on my challenge of the day. Work. My man voice was upgraded from alto to bass and my nose was running like a faucet, but do you think that slowed me down from coming into close contact with innocent customers?..you bet your low monthly payments it didn't! "I love K-Mart and no one is going to take that away.." Please. It was family shopping day, meaning everyone had a huge discount coupon in their hands while shopping and a 10 dollar down layaway plan is what they wanted it for. So my 8and 1/2 hour day started fast, and went even faster. Had great people working with me and I got free prizes. It was fun. Took my mind off the chemistry test, I knew i didn't study for, that was the next day.

Today: Things went well today. Econ started the day a lil slow but always interesting. My man voice is still intaked and the newscast was second hour. Of course they wouldn't make me speek, right? wrong. I was still on the list for anchor, great. I did alright actually. Got alot of good input today from viewers. Made me happy. Since I didn't study at all for my chem test I thought i would put in a short crunch cram. Didn't work cuz that test was mad hard. Oh well, you get what you deserve. Thank goodness for labs. Without them I would be failing. I was eager to get home so I could go get my car. Yeah! I was so excited. The time finally came when my dad and brother drove with me to NIles to go get it. Yeah! Its a 1999 ZX2 two-door ford escort sport. A lil more compact then Sandy, but sleeker. She has a 6-disc Cd changer in the back(i will have to get used to that, but six times the fun, right), power everything; including driver's side window...my favorite!, a power sunroof/moonroof, and only 45,000 miles. Its in great shape. Its different than Sandy, and the adjustment is tough, but I think i will manage..lol. I have already named the new car(and yes, i know its stupid, but i love to do it, its my thing) I named her, Sheba. Its dark and mysterious, just like my ride. So dont hate. LoL. To christen the new ride, I bought a new CD. I bought Gavin DeGraw's CHARIOT. Its a great buy. A great new CD for a great new Car. I am so fortunate. I ended the evening with a quick 30 min practice session for ol' french horn. I am improving but my solo his very advanced this year, and i haven't done a solo in years, so its been a while.

Wow, where did the time go? Hopefully you didn't feel like you wasted it. Glad you could share you time with me! I love you all, and wish you all the best for everday!

*~Ya'll shine like dem skies in Miami!..hehe

Go Dog, Go

Hey yall! Been awhile, but I think you caught on to that. Its thursday and I dont feel any better than I did earlier this week. I think the rapid drop in tempature caused me to catch a cold. Oh well, I feel great though. I know I know I said I dont feel good...physically I am sick, just a cold. Mentally I am clear and ready to go for the weekend. It should be a great day tomorrow. The volleyball team is leaving for the state finals and the football team will be playing good ol' PENN for the sectional championship. It should be a doozy! Tickets have been selling like candy apples @ a carnival, an oppurtunity like this only comes around every so often. Its been built up as the most important game in Memorial's history, no doubt it will be great, but I think it will make the top three respectably. I am skipping work for it, I dont what will happen with that. I dont really care. Its not like I have a car to pay for anymore anyway, so if I get fired...it wouldn't hurt me in the short-run. I could always find a better job when I turn 18 in a few months.

This week has also been loaded with lots of fun things. Even though it is only 40 degrees out, its not gunna stop me from having a good time.

Last night, My mom, her boyfriend, my brother,my uncle Roger from florida, and I went bowling. I wish we had gone to the great big new one out on 17, i heard its great. No, we went to a small establishment that has been serving the fine people in the community for over 50 years....yes, The OC Lanes. Located on Lincolnway in Osceola. The 18 lane bowling haven accomodated our medium party of 5, along with the two old men in the bar staring. It was memories in the making. Too bad a camera wasn't on hand. It could have recorded the uneven floor boards and embarressing score i managed to pull off. If you know me at all, I tend to get a lil huffy when I lose in a competitve atmosphere. Especially when a 5 foot nothing 46 year old petite woman with a ball thats too heavy and shoes that are even heavier beats the pants off ya, and rubs it in your face. At one point I thought I was going to break into tears, the laughing and criticism taking place. I don't need that, i am sensative. I have swollen glands for crying out loud! Show the sick girl a lil bit of sympathy! Its alright though, the taunting made me that much stronger...that much stronger to hold in the tears after I still can't seem to get the ball to go straight. it wasn't meant to be. I was never intended to have any athletic ability what-so-ever, that makes me a lil sad, but all hope is not lost. There is always frisbee golf. Someday...I will master it, and by gosh..Potato Creek State Park better watch itself, there may be a new tourney champ. But lets come back into the NOW shall we(or the yesterday).....

......after the embarressing 3 games of bowling I continued to deliver, the family decided to eat. Yeah! Something I am good at. We were on LIncolnway, so we went to Between The Buns(the family location). It was neat, I had never been in there before. Very sporty. I saw that they had cool lil TV's in the booths and had cool features on them...it made me excited, cuz I am TV kind of girl. I mean first we get to eat, and then we get to watch TV...wow! this is great! BUT Ken(my mom's sugar daddy) wants to sit at a table. Oh well, the TV will be there when I get home...shucks! We sat at our table and I looked around with delight! I saw a strange looking man with a guitar sitting in the corner. He had alot of flak on his vest and wore a moose cap. I dont like the looks of it. It didn't seem like a good combination to me. I thought he would keep his distance due to the adult look of our table at the family establishment. Boy was i ever wrong! He started stroll over towards our table, i knew this cause we were the only people in that area. As soon as he gets within arms reach, Ken shouts out.."This girl needs some cheering up, she is feeling a lil blue!" Oh great, the creepy man with the I LOVE HUGS button is going to sing me a tune with his ol' guitar and his moose cap. To start things off he gave me a lil wink and asked me why I looked down. I told him i wasn't down, just hungry. So he sang me a song about friendship, prolly because he only knows about 5 songs and he just rotates em. In the end though, he looked at me and said, "you must be the prettiest gal in this here parts." I said thankyou and continued to blush and display my school-girl smile. For he had turned my frown upside down and I think I started to like that silly, faded moose cap.

After moose guy had parted, I saw the arcade. Yes! Games! So i begged for quarters and ventured into an adult-free zone. I couldn't decide what I wanted to play first. I saw the jet-ski game and it looked like fun, but only if you were racing someone. I wouldn't want to race a computer. Then i saw the Dance Game. The one i first saw at Bloom-Town in the Union. The one where Ant and Gowdy worked feverishly to succeed at their hip-hop task. I also have pictures, great stuff. I remembered the confusion that came from the game and I took two steps back. I dont think its ready for me, and I am definately not ready for it. Someday...
I decided to play skee-ball. Who doesn't like skee-ball? Name me one person. I would like to know who doesn't like it. It takes patience, planning, and skill. Its a great game. I pumped those quarters in and continued on my quest for the medium sized prize. You had to get 1800 for the medium sized prize...the closest i got was 1750. I couldn't believe it...even the little kids that had soon surrounded me couldn't believe it. They said I was robbed, you know what? I think i was. I guess that day just was not my day for winning. It wasn't my time for the cool fuzzy medium prize. I wanted it, instead..i got a truck load of small prizes. Lil plastic balls that look like gum. They didn't bounce and they weren't edible. What am i supposed to do with a solid colored plastic ball? I just dont know. I gave em all to those lil kids, i hope they didn't try to eat them....

We went home around 9, and since I still wasn't feeling to good I went to bed. I turned on my TV and saw the MISERY was on the Oxygen Channel. I had never seen it before so...i gave it a whirl. It whirled me through a night of terror instead. I went to bed feeling absolutely creeped out and scared. kathy Bates, "Annie Wilkes", is my new fear. Fucking physco! need i say more.

My uncle Roger always adds well-needed comedic relief though. I think thats what i miss most about him sometimes. He is a funny guy all around. I told him about my nightmares and he said I was soft. "If you want real scary I'll show you this old house me and my buddies would drink in. It may have been the booze talking but that was some scary shit." He is my mom's oldest brother. They grew up in Cassopolis, Mi....not the best of town's. Back then I guess it was real nice. I dont know about that, but Rog's stories are all really illegal, but funny. They usually cheer anybody up if they are blue. He's great with taking your mind off whats bothering you. That's my unc.

Today was pretty normal. Took an econ test, it wasn't too bad, but it was given on short notice. I think I did decent on it. Enough for a B maybe. Then in success we had a respect presentation and what-not. Went to Chemistry and took notes, as usual. She is the nicest lady, but a horrible teacher. so sad. Then went to bad. I had a private lesson with gnome lady and need to work on my A scale....its not up to par and my chromatics need work too. I am just a piece. My low range is coming through great, but my high range is shot. Gnome lady wants my best. Okay, I will try. I just am more of a listener than a musician when it comes to music. I love music, but I never properly learned how to read music...i play all by ear. I have cheated myself through school when it comes to music, it makes me feel bad, but the only thing i can do, is acknowledge my mistakes and try to fix them. I am going Group 1 solo this year, and I haven't played a solo in 4 years. I am going to work hard. This is the pay-off year. Will i make it or break it? stay tuned.

After school lindsay took me to get a Mainstreet drink at the Daily Grind. I like to go after school sometimes....it kind of unwinds me from the day. ITs nice. LInds had never been, so I thought it would be good for the starbucks girl to meet the "corner" coffee shop. It was great, it wasn't crowded and we just sat and waited for our drinks to be made. We couldn't stay for lond but we got to stay long enough for her to sink it in. Its absolutely beautiful in there. The new artwork is great, and I love the mural on the wall. I think its one of my new favorite spots.

well, thats all for now. til next time....
mwah!

quote of the day: "I read that book many times, and that dog went, he went all the time." - L. B.

fruit is the word

Looking for a lift?! Just pop in this early 90's tune! Its great to get any frown and turn it upside down. Just a good ol' fashion giggle song.

Peaches by: Presidents of the United States

Great song!

Hope all is well in cyber space! Night all!

(oh by the way, Dave Miller was re-elected as Elkhart's mayor, who would have thought...lol)
Gotta love republicans!

when the highway divides...

Today has not been a good day. Woke up with a terrible case of tummy rumbles and had not recovered from the night before. My body just can't keep up sometimes, and my body turns into mush. It sucks. I hate missing school and feeling weak, its really not my style. Sleeping I like though. When your sick though, it feels like you are forcing yourself to sleep. Its not a good feeling. I am also suffering from my extremely painful headaches. They pass with time, and intense in half that time. Its really unpredictable and I go weeks with any occurences and then go a few days with more than I count. Bright lights and loud noise hurt just like any other migraine, but also the room temperature plays a big role. I slept with a heating pad on my head last night, it made me sweaty but numbed the pain enough so I could sleep. The effort to simply go up and down the stairs is extreme. I dont know what to think about it, neither does my mom. I have no history of chronic head and neck pain, along with the stomach sickness that tends to follow. Hopefully it will pass in the next couple of days, and if it doesn't...off to the doctor's office I go. A place I know all too well. If i just took better care of myself this wouldn't happen to me. Yet i continue to eat bad, have bad lifestyle habits, and not care enough. I always say I am going to treat myself with more respect and toughen up on my life. I always fail. Find some excuse. An injury or a sickness or another person's problems always seem to be in my line of excuses. They might be true, but it doesn't mean they have to stop me. They could just be obstacles. I am just not as strong mentally as I thought i was. Until I can mentally support myself, there is no way I can do any of things that I want to do. I want to be better for me, no one else. I dont think I can live another month feeling as bad as I do right now. So this is my statement, If I make a promise to myself I am going to follow through. I can't make excuses anymore, being sick is not a good reason to give up but it is a reason to slow down. I can't start over everytime I have a headache or a runny nose, but I can slow it down and pick up where I left off. Things have to get better for me, before anyone else can enjoy me.

Its time to make the change, hopefully I can do it. I need to do this. I need to stop being sick all the time, and i need to start eating better and feeling better about myself. I just need to take a step back and take a deep breath and really appreciate what I have. My life is good, but this will make it even better. I wouldn't call this a revelation, but i would call it a realization. My friends indirectly have shown me what I need to do. Only I can actually do it. I have alot to look forward to, and I hope all my friends come with me along the way to reach it. Maybe the medicine has gotten to the funny part of the brain, but whatever my head is telling me is good. I love it.

Despite all the bad news in the past few days and the bad feelings, I have a sense of relaxation. Being comfortable is number one. I think I am going to wear heaven's clothes(which i own) and sleep into a dream. Hopefully it will come true. Good night! All is well, and it will end well too.

there is always hope

I am beat. I dont have too much energy to blog, but I think i will just give you a short re-cap of my interesting weekend.

Friday: I went to school as usual and hitched a ride home. My car is being fixed again but it looks like I will never get her back. So thats a bummer. I came home and started getting dressed for work, I put together an angel costume. I figured if I had to work, I might as well have fun. I was cute...just call me the angel from the block. Erin came in right before i got off to pick me up. We made plans to go see the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, it seemed like a good idea. Collin and Drew met us there. The movie freaked me out! I was so paranoid after that movie I couldn't hardly walk through my house with out checking every room or looking behind my shoulder. I guess if leather face was really coming after me I would have heard the chainsaw, but I didn't care. I guess you could say I didn't sleep too well that night. Fell asleep around 1am, and was dreading getting up in about 5 hours...

Saturday: My alarm woke me around 6:45 and I knew i had to get up. If I kept hitting that snooze button I just may I have missed band. Darn! But i didn't. Collin picked me up at 7:30 to go to memorial. It was still kind of dark and a lil on the chilly side. All i had was a light jacket i borrowed from erin the night before and i was wearing flip-flops. Boy, was the weather wrong that morning. When the band started rounding up to leave for Hope things started playing out in my head. Lost uniforms, missing shoes, complaining underclassmen, and frigid hands. Yeah, I guess you could say I wasn't really looking forward to it. Anyways, the trip up wasn't bad, and the food wasn't either. It was nice of Hope to provide us with such a great college meal. The stadium, to our surprise, looked just as big as Memorial's. A lil dissapointing but cool none the less. We had a boring game and an even more boring crowd. We weren't allowed to play before the snap or after, leaving us with TO's and things of that nature. The performance was lousy, I guess our lack of playing in the stands affected our spirit. In the end Hope won against Wisconsin Lutheran and we started our journey home. On the way home, to satsify our boredom, we drew all over the faces of four of the senior boys with marker: Collin was first, then Kevin, next was lonnie, and last by force was ED. They were darling. Me and JO were very creative. By the time we got back to memorial it was only 7:30 but felt like midnight. It had jsut been one of those days. BUt since i lack a car, i went to ryan misener's for an after party because my ride went. It was fun, despite the cheesy horror movie in the next room and few bad apples at the party. I fell asleep on the couch and then was awakened by a few wild ones. The clock soon hit 10 and Nick. L volunteered to take me home. I hit the hay around 10:30 and sleep like an angel...

Sunday: ...I woke at 10 and had missed church. I hate it when i do that. I really like going. I have to work at three so i know i wont be doing much today.

Thanks for really my EXCITING blog o' fun. But this is all i got right now. Hope you have a great day!