minty milkshake moments

What the world needs now is fudge, hot fudge.

Erin and I went to S n' S tonight after she got off work at 10. We hadn't talked in a really long time. We always have alot to say. Each day i feel more and more confident with her being my roommate next year. It will be good. I think we have an understanding. She gets me, in the sense that I am not as complex as I appear. We are both very simple, but when we go deep we can retrieve each other. I tend to go off the deep end more than she does, but Its alright. I think each time I get saved from it, i become better in a new way, or improve something already existent in myself. My mind has overflown with information and theory, this has made my heart whince. I have this outlook on life that I have developed for myself. It feels good, to come up with a decision on my own, do it for me and no one else. I would never do anything to hurt anyone else intentionally or inconvienance someone i love, but i am just so happy i am doing things for myself. I am becoming something, defined and bold. This makes me proud and confident. My friends and music have given me the strength to do this. I am going to find out what i want, what i can and cannot do with myself. I need to 'live' to experience this. I need to do things i wouldn't normally do, meet people other than i am used to, and just be uncomfortable for once. I am tired of playing safe. I need to be responsible yes, but i need to see what i have failed to. I know, i am only 17(almost 18, thankyou very much) but this something i need to do. I need to do this, so i can come to know myself. I dont know who i really am. I can't wait to find out what i can do and contribute to society...lol. It should be great, i am really excited to show off what i can do so far, and hopefully what i will obtain.

Tonight i also bought the coldplay live 2003 cd/dvd. It is awesome. Makes me love them so much more. My favorite song 'Everything's not lost' was even better live. Ah man, and their new song, 'One I Love' is also a great addition to the many awesome songs of Coldplay. The documentary included on the DVD is also very nifty! If you love or even just like Coldplay, you will have that feeling grow after watching and hearing this cd/dvd. I want to see them live, that would be awesome! I would also like to see John Mayer in concert. I should have seen them with the counting crows this past summer, I am sure it would have been great.

"dont break your back if you ever hear this, you dont have to answer that.....i'll see you soon."

I really excited for New Year's this year. I hope 2004 can top 2003. I have to admit, 2003 was awesome, i had some great experiences and not so good ones. It was the perfect 'well-rounded' year. I was so lucky in that i made so many new friends and continue to find them in small places. I went through changes that invented a new person and re-discovered old habits. I had tons o' fun and more and more of it. I can't say i changed in age so much, i was 17 for 347 days of the year, but hey, the 18 days of 16 were pretty fun filled too. I dont regret anything, and only wish i could have done so much more. Things were great, but i have a feeling 2004 will be even better. Lots of changes are ahead, but i welcome them and embrace them. I mean, i will be one year older, not a whole lot wiser. I wont be able to drink(legally) but i still got smokes, gambling, and porn available, those are always pluses. I can't say there wont be heartache and drama, but i can say I aint gunna let it run me down or my life. I am grown child(lol) this playground nonsense must end. It will.

Like i said before, Time does do alot of good, but i am tired of waiting. I am going to go out there and live. Time can just catch up later. 2003 is almost over, dont waste it. Start 2004 off with a big bang! Alot can happen in one night, you never know...today could start the rest of your life, but only if you let it! til next time....

...just put this in your ear, and get motivated!

Everything's not Lost by: Coldplay
Everything's Not Lost (Taken from "Parachutes")

If you ever feel neglected,

If you ever think all is lost,

I'll be counting up my demons, yeah,

Hoping everything's not lost,

Everything's not lost,

When I'm counting up my demons.



There's always one for everyday,

With the good ones on my shoulder,

I drove the other ones away.



If you ever feel neglected,

If you think all is lost,

I'll be counting up my demons, yeah,

Hoping everything's not lost.



When you thought it was over,

You could feel it all around,

Everybody's out to get you,

Don't you let it drag you down.



Cos if you eve feel neglected,

If you think that all is lost,

I'll be counting all the demons, yeah.



Singing out o yeah (x3)

Everything's not lost,

Come on yeah, o yeah, come on yeah,

Everything's not lost,

O yeah, (x3)

Everything's not lost,

Come on yeah, o yeah,

Come on yeah (x2)

O yeah, Come on yeah,

Everything's not lost, Sing out yeah,

Come on yeah (x2)

Everything's not lost,

Come on yeah, o yeah,

Sing out yeah,

Everything's not lost.

this christmas was RED HOT...

Thats right, christmas came and went. It was a great christmas. I didn't really ask for much, so everything i did get seemed to me as a surprise. I got a graphing calculator and a pair of pants that i helped wrap, but everything else was up in the air. I did well. My two favorite things are great. 1) my #3 official Detroit Lions, Joey Harrington Football jersey, that is two sizes too big. I love this jersey. I wear it because the Lions may suck, but Joey still needs support. LoL. 2) the RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS greatest Hits CD. It kicks ass! i mean you have the best of the band in the conveinance of one CD. It is becoming my one of my favorite CD of all time. Its so classic and yet so awesome all at the same time, it makes me smile.

I also got some things that will do me well next year at school, as well as, some cash that will do my account some good now. I need new shoes, so I think my VISA giftcard will get me those. When i go out to get those shoes i will be wearing all the new silver jewelry and accessories i aquired today. While they are looking at that bling bling they will notice the new purse/bag that i will conveinantly store all the gift certificates i received. It was win/win today. Not only did i get satisfaction from extrememly thoughful and generous gifts, but i got to give great gifts as well. I was oh so proud of the book i got my mom, and the sandwich maker i got my sister. My other family gifts were good too, but i feel like those two were the best. LoL. Also in my family, my aunts and uncles with dogs want to keep giving gifts so when they give them out, they label them as from the their dog instead of themselves. So i recieved a gift from three dogs today along three other gifts from their masters. It is kinda of ridiculous, but they like to spoil us because they dont have children. I dont mind. hahaha

"When i find my piece of mind, i'm gunna give you some of my good time." - RHCP

I am looking forward to the rest of break because i dont work so much and i get new years ever off. I have no plans, but i hope i get some. LoL. I am sure i can, its just of matter of finding them. haha. I feel great, and i hope to hang out with everyone, including those i dont so much. Lets not sit around and wait for things to happen, go out and make them happen for yourself! yes, time will tell, but you can make decisions faster. til next time...

a guiding light please

"how do the piggies eat randy?"

When the 24 hours of A CHRISTMAS STORY comes on, you know the holiday is finally here. It takes a while, but I think the spirit of the season has finally reached me. I worked yesterday and today for long shifts and realized how evil the season can be, but out of all the anger and frustration amongst the people was the happiness and hope we all long to feel. One lady touched me particularly(in my heart, not literally..lol) she had so much to be sad and bitter about and wasn't. She had nothing, and gave away everything. It was great! I worked til 8 tonight and got home to find that the family hadn't waited to start the annual holiday game. It was sad, but at least they let me join the fun. I wont be seeing my sis tomorrow, her new 'family' has prior arrangements elsewhere. I got to open up her gift...she gave me a IU link for my charm braclet. It was cute. My mom has the same one...my sister thought it was a good way to keep us "linked" when i am away next year. LoL. ah...

...i constantly talk about change on here and constantly change my mind about it(crazy, i know). I am a lil unstable about things. I want to move on, but i want the comforts of what i know. I am contemplating all the things i shouldn't even worry about until summer....its driving me insane. Why do i do this to myself? i dont know, maybe its madatory for people to do this before they move completely out and on with their lives...lol. I always thought i would be level headed...i was wrong. I am petrified of what i dont know, and excited at the same time. I miss what i have and want to get what i dont. I am starting to feel uneasy about everything...its starting to effect me. I have to write about it, because i can't talk about it. Everytime i do, i upset the person i am with and/or annoy them. I need to vent. this is my tool. I know i am not alone, but sometimes i feel like it. Why can't someone else seem to become unstable?...just enough, so i dont have to be focused on anymore. Geeze....i hate being the drama queen i know that i am.

Was that random, or was the random? boy oh boy.

'change isn't bad, its just different. Different can always be good.' maybe i should listen to myself more often.

I just need a sign to tell me what to do. Problems arise so suddenly for me, and no one else can see them. I just need the advice of someone who isn't me.

I would like to tell everyone I love them, and i hope they have a happy holiday and a joyous new year. A new year always brings change, will you be ready for it? til next time...

time...

you know how people say, "only time will tell..." or "just give it time" I think thats bullshit. I really do. Why should time do all the work. Its already lasted through more than any human mind could ever imagine, and i want it, to fix my problems? Please....my problems can't be solved by time, only by me. Thats what scary.

With time, you can mend a broken heart
you can find a new love.
With time, you can lose the eternal baby fat
you can gain back a toddler or two.
With time, you can lose touch with old friends
you can grow closer to new ones.
With time, you can tie up lose ends
you can loosen some knots.
With time, you can do anything you want to
you can do nothing at all.
With time, you can learn from your mistakes
you can continue to do things the hard way.
With time, you can try to do new things
you can stay the same.
With time, your tears just dont taste the same
you will be looking for a new emotional outlet.
With time, those heartaches wont take you out of the game
they will make you faster.
With time, earth is formed
it is destroyed
With time, people grow
people die.
With time, friends move on
friends move in.
With time, we were shown the past
we will see the future
With time, our lives become stored in picture albums
you look through them
I guess,with time, anything is possible, but who wants to wait?

I can't wait for time. I am too busy to let time run my life. I need to do something with it. I need to be something better. I can't be jealous, resentful, or angry. I have to be better for me, and for the ones i love. God knows, those people aren't always on my favorite list, but he also knows i can't live without them. I need my friends and family to be there for me as much as i want to be there for them. I think sometimes we all get selfish. Thats something, i have to get used to. I never want anyone to feel neglected or hurt....its not cool. Right now, time isn't going to do anything except make things more difficult. I need to focus on the present. Meet people, do things, have fun...things that shape me as a person, i can't hold on to glimses of a proposed future. My future will be anything i want it to be, and thats where time comes to play. It helps you along the way, but not now. Only I can make things happen. Only i can let things go, and pass by or grab on to them and not let them get away. I wish alot of people would just take a second and look at how they are perceived and welcomed by other people, and they would know....they would know, what kind of future they are making for themselves.

I am not the best person, or the most clear and inciteful. I am not the best writer, worker, runner, girlfriend, friend...but i am pretty damn good at being me. Thats a good step.

til next time...

i'll say a little prayer for you...

Today was a little somber...
my fellow church member and friend, Aimee Bjornstad, was in a serious car accident yesterday afternoon. She has been in ICU for the past 24 hours and her condition is not yet stable. My pastor has informed me that her injuries are not life threatening but are very serious. I want to go visit her, but only family is allowed in ICU. I am really distraut by this, and I pray for her safety and health and that of her family. During this time of year, this kind of pain is hard to take. Lately it seems like me and the people i know have been victims of reckless driving. Yes, the conditions have been somewhat bad, but the carelessness of the people driving in it, is terrible. While driving in the weather beaten roads, one should be kind to the road to the others on it. Aimee and many others don't drive recklessly, and still pay a heavy price. The driver of the other vehicle is also in ICU, and i pray for him and his family as well. He may not have been thinking of others, but no one should be put through that much pain. I hope both have a speedy recovery.

Please be safe this holiday season. Not only will you put your life and health in harms way, but the life and health of others as well. Please be respectful of the conditions and drive responsibly. No one wants any other injury or death this holiday season. I love you all, and you are always in my prayers. GOD BLESS and til next time...

those cookies are not for you!

I made cookies tonight, and i did an "ok" job. I messed the first batch up, then the second was much better, and then the third was magnificent, well compared to the first batch...lol. They are for the chem class tomorrow, kind of an informal party tomorrow. So it will be really good...i think...lol.

Today, we had our first snowball fight of the year. It was cold, wet, and some times painful. I got collin in the face while in his car, so he retaliated with a snow ball to the ear. Yeah, not cool, maybe to him it was. LoL. It was a bit icy and another fender bender was in store for the e-town crowd. Lindsay was the next victim, and thought she was the victim of a back injury but not so much anymore. I think we are jynxed or something...lol. who knows.

I saw "him" today. The one i will marry someday. Thats right, i am going to marry him, but i have to tell him that. He is this guy i see almost every day at Kmart, and he always talks to me and talks about the weather. It may be minimal in his life, but for me, its great! He is my future husband, and we are going to make prettybabies. hehehe. He is older(like 20..guessing) and has beautiful hazel eyes. Tall, Dark and handsome......who could resist? LoL. Some day, i am going to be brave enough to talk about something other than the weather, and we may go into current events...who knows? The future is so unclear. Anyways....back to reality...

...Hump day is over, and i have done nothing of the sort....LoL. Not that i do that alot or anything....not the point. I am looking forward for the weeks to come, alot of friends, family, and work. What would the holidays be like without day after christmas sales? I bet they would be pretty chaotic, families going crazy from all the quality time they are going to have to spend with each other. The Holidays! yeah!

My bro's friends were over tonight and they were trying to eat my fresh Peanut Butter Kiss Cookies, and i said, "Hey those aren't your cookies, hands off!' I started to laugh, because Collin and Alex had made this horrible, digusting cookie reference and i couldn't help but think of it. Let's just say, the Cookie Monster aint coming near me, because i am going to slap his blue ass. You steer clear as well!

I think I have run myself dry of interesting things to say, so i am gunna head out and actually do what i am supposed to....pass classes.
Please PLease PLease sign the guestbook....or dont. Like i say its cool. I would absolutely adore the support though....LoL. I love you all! Til next time....

I have not given you my song pick of the day for awhile...so here it is!
The Rainbow Connection by: Peter Cincotti
I dont know about you, but everytime i hear this song, i want to give kermit a hug! Can't you feel the love?!
Lata!

well til next time....

the battle of good and evil

Hello one and all. Its sunday night, and the finale of the weekend. I hate to see the weekend go, but happy about the results I received from it. It gave me so many memories and happiness. Just a good ol' fashioned good time. Good news filled the air, and so did the christmas spirit. Well....maybe not the christmas spirit but the spirit of something. LoL.

The Goods and Bads of the weekend:
Good: Suddam's capture by american troops
Bad: Gwenyth's marriage and pregnancy with Chris Martin of Coldplay...grr
Good: spent much needed time with best friends
Bad: being kicked out of a public shopping mall
Good: only having to work one night
Bad: being one hour late for the one night I had to work
Good: got to erin
Bad: saw her at work
Good: hung out with the guys
Bad: hung out with the guys..lol
Good: Getting to go shopping after school on friday
Bad: Being hit by a car on friday
Good: Making snow angels with friends
Bad: being wet for the rest of the day
Good: got new Basketball band shirts in
Bad: missed the basketball game...oops.
Good: good friend has a girlfriend
Bad: the girlfriend is el diablo
Good: did some much needed relaxing today
Bad: didn't do some much needed homework
Good: got to be there for a friend in need
Bad: did it at the mall and made me feel really poor
Good: christmas is rapidly approaching
Bad: i only have three gifts for a long list of people
Good: I got to blog
Bad: I am not that good at it

I think the goods out weigh the bads in this case, what do you think? LET ME KNOW! sign the guestbook and shout me a holla....or not, thats cool too. LoL. I hope you all had a fun filled weekend, such as I did. School is almost out! yeah! have fun! be safe! i love you all! mwah! til next time...

N/A

Today, is a relavitely better day so far. English is almost over and the day should calm down over time. As I sit at this computer and look around at my classmates, I can't help but smile. I see the contortionist kid sitting in a corner talking to himself and having a grand conversation. I see the frizzle hair girl, steam up and blush with frustration...its almost 11:10 and she isn't done with her assignment. I look at J money, and she looks at me. We then look at the smelly kid go and sharpen his pencil again, the one he hasn't even used all hour. We have determined that he likes the sound of the newly installed electric pencil sharpener. Oh! they he goes again. LoL. I guess it the things you tend to overlook that mean the most sometimes. Just observing the spanish kid who is pretending to read a book so the teacher will leave him alone is enough entertainment for me. (dont worry felipe, i am not discriminating against hispanics or any other race or ethniticy...nothing but love for ya!) I guess i just realize how much of an immature kid i still am. I always tried to kid myself to believe i was "all growed up"...i guess i am not. Thats cool though. I have my whole life to be grown up. I think for now, i will continue to look and smile. Smiles are contagioius. Its the only thing at this school I would want to catch.

I get this way after I listen to alot of Coldplay....and I did. LoL. If you need a mental boost pop in a Coldplay song or two and I think you should return to being topnotch. Til next time.....

dont know much about anything, but know lil about everything

I have noticed alot of my peers have been writing about love and its many shades. Its very deep and everything, but I am not feeling that vibe very well. I guess with the times I am facing right now, it really doesn't process as well. Bad and good memories mixed with bad and good present moments prevent me from enjoying the beauty and deep emotions that come with love. The question of wether i know what it is or not is not relevant, the question of whether or not i am ready to except it, is. I am not gunna sit here and tell you I am a lost soul, searching for my one. I am telling you, i want to sit here and later get up and experience people. People i will love and lose along the way, and not regret anything from it. Love is not in my agenda right now, or in the near future, but if it is in someone else's i think thats great!

I am not a playa hater...i am a spectator. I watch on, as others become involved and disconnected everyday. Thats where i like it. I have been in the game, it was great, now its my turn to sit the bench and let someone else get the ball. I dont want the reputation of a ball hog. *but i do need a date for prom, so any readers want to check their calenders in may and let me know, i am free.....anybody of the opposite sex is welcome to volunteer....lol

well, i have a lot of things to do ahead of me. this is when i say good-bye. til next time...

There is nothing left for me to do, but DANCE!

For yall who didn't know, Memorial had there annual Winter Dance that is sponsored by NHS. It is a semi-formal affair with three hours of booty shaking and center-piece taking. The dance was a little more personal this year because our seniors, the NHS members, put it on for us. Although I am not an NHS member, I did help tearing it down. Plus all of my friends are in it...so you know. This year's theme: Captured in a Dream....it was clever...but I like that idea for Prom more than winter dance. I liked Collin's idea of "Here Today, Gone To-maui"....nice. I guess you cant have everything when you got snobby white girls on the dance committee. I can't really complain though...if I had worked a little harder the past three years, i could have been in NHS, making a difference....but focusing on the now, i think i am just going to pass chemistry and take it from there.
I had a really good time at the dance, sometimes were better than others, but for the most part...it was good. Good variety of music, great company, and pleasant decor...made it worth the eight dollars i spent to get in. My grand total of money spent on the dance : 8 DOLLARS! I Rule! I didn't even pay for dinner( i mean, i paid,but not with my money) So all in all, the night was worth the money spent.

I got my official IU acceptance on Friday, it included all of my housing and financial aid information. Its kind of exciting, reading through it all. My mom has terror in her eyes though. It scares her to think I wont be close by next year, but I am her baby and I wouldn't expect anything less. LoL. I am a lil nervous to go, I am not the best of students and I get intimidated by people who know what they are going for, you know? I know I will have Erin, Linds, Danielle, and the ol' gang...but will be afraid to go outside my box. I want to go outside of it, but not let it go. I like my box...it fits me.

I took SAT's on Saturday morning, despite my acceptance the night before. I figured that I should just see how much I could improve from my last scores. I am really glad I went after all too, I saw someone I hadn't seen in almost a year. My old friend Joe, who was like my best friend in middle school, was at Penn taking the test. We got to catch up a little afterwards at Taco Bell. It was really nice seeing him. I wouldn't mind hanging out with him again, its been too long. He is one of those people who never judges you, and gives everyone a chance, or a second chance for that matter, plus he is really funny. He goes to Northridge so I prolly wont see him again anytime soon, but we will keep in touch.

I had alot of fun and interesting thing happen to me this weekend, and it will be one that sticks for a long time. I hope everyone had a great weekend, and continues to have a great week. I love you all, dont be afraid to go outside the walls, i am slowly but surely doing the same...it feels great. Til next time....(or until i get a new catch phrase)

how bout them apples....

Hey Hey Hey! Question of the Day!
If you could be any type of song, what would you be and why? Plus, what artist would you be?

Think about it, give it some thought, and let me hear from you in my guestbook or im me sometime! Lata! Til next time...keep dancing!

that lil something extra

Well, its been awhile since my last entry. I have been a busy girl. Lots of cool things happened to me the past four or five days. To tell you the truth though...thats not whats on my mind. Plus the fact that I am at school(again) and using class time(again) to blog it shows that I am not exactly leading the high life...lol. Ugh, I have just been so frustrated lately. Its like I am getting all this bad news during one of the happiest times of the year. When I say bad news, I mean, badly timed occurence of events...if that makes sense. Money, friends, work, family, and social events are all in the worst of places. I should just suck it up and slop through it, but I can't. This is one of my favorite times of the year, besides Easter/spring, and i dont like to ruin it by worrying. I tend to do that from time to time. Thats so frustrating. I shouldn't worry about christmas gifts and money, but about the well-being of the people I love. Christmas is more about the love, then it ever was about Santa. I go to work all the time and wonder why people are so pre-occupied with Christmas. I think it should be celebrated with love and devotion to your faith and/or family. It shouldn't be about receiving and giving fancy items, but about giving and recieving love from within us. To me that is all I want this christmas. I have the car, the home, the clothes, and the extras...what I dont have, is the sense of love I once shared with the ones I love. I know this wont make up for the gifts Ihaven't yet purchased for those who deserve them, but maybe it will show them what I am really all about. This is me. This is what I feel. I feel shallow and selfish. Its not a good feeling. If I were truly as genuine as I want to be, I would swallow my ego and truly do something with myself this season. I want to share my heart with all of my friends and family...and nothing, not even money(or the lack of it) will take that away from me.

This was short and I might add on later tonight. I just felt my heart was aching to tell someone about the hurt I felt lately. I hope your holidays are celebrated the way they should be, with love. The day is young....