merry christmas

my mom always says, "nothing says chrismas better than a your house full of people you dont know." this is true....i have all my mom's boyfriend's family over here, invading my turf...but strangely enough it feels alot like christmas. from me to you.....MERRY (whatever it is you celebrate)! til next time....

....dont forget to look up in case of mistletoe.

facelift

its been awhile....and i would be lying if i said this was going to become a regular thing for me. In fact, if you are reading this, i give you props just for checking in on me....thats a really cool. Its been awhile because i just haven't felt inspired to write. It all seems so trivial, if something good or funny or bad happens i usually say, "oh i could put that in my blog" and then i dont, because the people that read this usually anyway i have already talked to. In the end its kind of like, who really cares what i do with my down time between classes or what i saw out my window. its kind of sad because its kind of like saying my life isn't worth recording, but i dont mean it like that, i guess i mean that it shouldn't matter if i write it down or not, its still my life and these things are still going to happen. i love to write, dont get me wrong, there have been many weeks when i am reading my friends' entries that i wish i could have contributed and put in the extra time and effort but it just came down to the fact that i didn't want to. and thats alright....the only reason i am writing is because quite frankly elkhart makes me feel a lil confined. I love my home and my family but i feel like being here for the next few weeks is like taking two steps back and bloomington usually makes me feel alot more focused on the future. I am constantly stuck in the land of nostalgia, good and bad it makes me uneasy. i like to look forward, who doesn't? sure looking back never hurt anyone, but it makes me feel pretty helpless, i am a prisoner in my own mind. by writing i feel like i can out smart myself and not concentrate so hard on the past.....

......minus the failed attempts to be deep in the past, or right now for that matter, i really feel like this writing helps me figure out whats in my head by becoming a reader of my own life. I just sat and read all my entries from highschool(not all but damn near enough to relive my entire senior year) and realized that things do change but not much. i still have the same crappy writing style, the same crappy attempts at being deep, and the same tastes for "the song of the day"....but the only thing thats the different that makes it all worth it......the victories. the problems are all the same....i am still a confused, overanalytical teenager, but my successes are in greater numbers. I feel like i have overcome so many obstacles but at the same time created new ones, the bright side...i get to overcome those ones and feel good inside.

this entry is classified as rambling...and i have this theory about ramblers that some dont agree with but i dont care. I feel that the most intelligent of people ramble because as they try to make a point their mind presents them with new representation and logic and they must also include this information. Then those details then make the point that much more complex, showing that their intelligence surpasses their capacity......maybe?

i dont know, this wasn't meant to be long so i am gunna keep it short.
no promises are being made and i would like to keep it that way, i just felt compelled to make it known where my head was.

til next time...
...dont be afraid to take a few steps back, but i wouldn't advise a blind leap.